2006 Boxing day
This years Boxing day football match between the Old Gits and Young
Whippersnappers has been caught on video and photos. To see the photos please click here. Below is the vidoe evidence and match report. Enjoy.
Old Gits 4: Young Whippersnappers 2
Forget the World Cup Finals, or the Ashes, or even Phil ‘The
Power’ versus Raymond Van Barneveld, the most eagerly waited
sporting event of the year was once again played at Bere’s own
‘Theatre of Nightmares’ on Boxing Day. The press were out
in force (well, Alice Evans and her camera!) as well as the WAG’s
(Whippersnappers and Gits) to witness a Boxing Day feast of football
i.e. leftover turkeys and mincer pies.
Sadly, a few stalwarts were missing from the Old Gits team this year.
These included Lyndon White (due to a double hernia), the Moss Bros.
(double vodkas) and the late (tackling), great (bellied), Macca (treble
Scotch). This was, therefore, the strongest team they have had for many
a year! Stars included Jimmy ‘Ever’ Green; Shane
‘Over The’ Mooney; Terry ‘The Motor’ Vater;
Chris ‘The Gingerpounder’ Osmond; Pip ‘Good’
Evans (are you sure even Dean’s shirt doesn’t fit!);
Graeme ‘Over’ Price(d); Chris ‘Scoram’ Oram;
Earl ‘The Pearl’ Dacre; Adey ‘and The Tramp’
Moore; and Darren ‘The SlapHeadmaster’ Spivey.
The Young Whippersnappers were taking things just as seriously,
bristling with both Saturday and Sunday team superstars. Added to this
was the return of the legend that is Stuart ‘The
Physiotherapist’ Moorse and Ryan ‘ The Oftenpist’
Pettitt (thankfully, his better looking and playing brother was not
available!). They had even added two of the next generation of Bere
superstars, with AJ Gale and Nat Scott hoping to follow in the path of
their illustrious sporting parents (all the way to the bar!). As ever,
the redoubtable Peter ‘Bin’ Larder filled the goal in a way
that no other keeper can, thankfully there was no boot inspection
before the match!
….and of course there was the referee, a certain young Callum
White, who admittedly is the son of one of the Old Gits but was in no
way biased towards them (and I have a team of lawyers waiting for any
Young Whippersnapper who says otherwise!).
This had the makings of an absolute classic and the crowd were not disappointed!!
The opening moments were as finely balanced as a set of Enron’s
accounts, with the enthusiasm of the youngsters more than matched by
the alcohol-fuelled oldsters. With Earl, Scat and Pip in the middle of
midfield for the Gits there was little room for finesse, or indeed any
other players! However, any team that features Hewitt, Moorse, Pettitt,
White and Gale was not going to be kept at bay for too long and the old
timers were forced to work hard. Indeed, for the first time ever Graeme
Price managed to get his shirt dirty, although we suspect that this was
just wiping his muddy hands on it. Meanwhile, Shane Mooney threw off
his cool veneer and was showing as much control in the tackle as a
Richard Hammond emergency stop. One particular tackle caused howls of
outrage from the youngster’s mother on the sideline, not the
first time Shane’s tackle has caused this I’m told! The
only jewel in the clowns was, surprisingly, Alan ‘Giggsy’
Lambert hugging the Old Gits left touchline. Bearing in mind that last
year his pace was such that when I typed his name in my report the
Thesaurus automatically came up with ‘pedestrian’,
‘snail’ and ‘sloth’, this transformation made
the old Lazarus trick seem easy. At every opportunity, he teased and
tormented the defence like an Iranian executioner, although I am not
sure Giggs ever quite panted for breath like that afterwards! It was
soon obvious that the first goal would be crucial and, thankfully, that
goal went to the Old Gits.
Controversy is certainly no stranger to these games and rumours abound
that it was only thanks to a biased referee that this goal was allowed.
I have now watched this many times on the video replay (available on
the Bere Regis Sports Club website by Clicking here
and I am utterly convinced that the cross could not be avoided by the
referee as he accidentally buried it into the far corner past a hapless
Larder. However, before you could say ‘Stu Moorse is a football
genius’, he showed us what we have been missing over the past
couple of years with a couple of shimmies and an unstoppable left foot
screamer for the equaliser.
In the great Aussie tradition, the old timers had obviously goaded
these young stingrays a bit too much and they proceeded to dissect the
defence with consummate ease. It was good to see Paddles rolling back
the years in goal with a display that had us all remembering why we had
brought him to Bere in the first place (because Dean was injured, as I
recall!). With half time fast approaching the Old Gits needed a crumb
of comfort and this was provided by none other than Shane Mooney.
Having somehow found his way into the opposition’s penalty area a
particularly heavy challenge (well, heavy for a youngster!) caused him
to collapse quicker than your average McCartney marriage and the
referee had no hesitation in pointing to the spot, despite howls of
protest from the whippersnappers. With the legendary Macca unable to
take up his normal penalty taking duties, the poisoned chalice was
passed to Jimmy Green. Cooler than a freeze-dried cucumber he calmly
slotted the ball home and the Old Gits went in at half time a goal to
After stocking up on their winter warmers in the changing rooms, the
Old Gits trooped out expecting an onslaught. Their fears were not
helped by the sight of the likes of Shaun Cope wandering out for the
second half having finally got rid of the Christmas hangover, or so he
thought! A far more worrying sight for the defence was the sight of
none other than Kevin Cox between the sticks, more Petr Fied than
Petr Cech I would say!! These fears were soon realised as, in a huge
break from tradition, the referee controversially gave a dodgy penalty
to the whippersnappers, presumably because he forgot that we had
changed ends. Either way, Triston Gale stepped up to the spot and
dispatched the penalty with ease past the fledgling keeper. The
team’s prospects looked ropier than Saddam’s neck, until
the dynamic duo of Spivey and Moore decided to switch to a more
orthodox Boxing Day back two.
were hugely helped by young Sam Allen running the line and showing all
the dedication to the cause of a Russian linesman. As this stout
defence kept the youngsters at bay, the team could concentrate more on
attack. With the game balanced on a knife edge the goal that changed
the game came from the unlikeliest of sources….Graeme Price! A
precision corner from Rob White found the shiny head of Spivey and his
unerring header was stopped on the line. As the ball was frantically
lashed away from the line, Graeme was far too concerned with protecting
his face to avoid the ball and it rebounded off him back into the goal.
The youngsters were, obviously, distraught and it was only a matter of
time before the old men delivered their coup de grace. Another well
deserved penalty decision gave Jimmy Green the chance to double his
tally. Thoughtfully, he gave us the chance for one final comedy moment
as he, surprisingly, decided to chip the goalkeeper. The execution
itself was more Keystone than Cantona and he could only chip the ball
straight into the welcoming arms of Peter Larder. Thankfully, in the
great West Ham tradition, Peter spilled it straight back to him and
Jimmy made amends with a smart finish.
With the smell of the bar proving unbearable for both teams the referee was soon persuaded to blow the final whistle.
Honour had been upheld by the Old Gits once again and all is right with the world!!