Football Reports and Results 2001-2002

Saturday Team

Division Three (North and East)



Allendale 'A'



Corfe Mullen United



Forest Inn



Handley Sports



Holt United Reserves



Kingston Lacy






Lytchett Red Triangle Reserves



Milborne St.Andrew



Shaftesbury 'A'



Sherborne Town Reserves



Stourpaine Reserves



Sturminster Marshall Reserves



Dorset Junior Cup

First Round Forest Inn home 5-2
Second Round Delta away 0-5

League Cup

First Round bye    
Second Round Corfe Mullen United home 1-7

Sunday Team

Sunday Division Two



Bovington Challengers



Corfe Mullen RBL



Hamworthy Lions



Hamworthy Royals



P and K Sports



Poole Labour Club



The Broadstone Hotel


Wimborne RBL



Windgreen Corfe Mullen Reserves



Dorset Sunday Intermediate Cup

First Round Angel Inn away


* withdrew from the Competition

League Cup

Group Match Bovington Challengers home 2-1
Group Match Windgreen Corfe Mullen Reserves away 11-1
Group Match Windgreen Corfe Mullen Reserves home 3-2
Group Match P and K Sports home 1-1
Group Match Bovington Challengers away 6-2
Group Match P and K Sports away 2-6
Semi Final Hamworthy Lions away 0-1


Bere Regis 0: Linthorpe 3

Never was the phrase 'an eye for an eye', or even 'a leg for a leg', more apt as Linthorpe arrived with revenge in their minds. An unfortunate accident in the previous game had seen a Linthorpe player stretchered off to hospital in an air ambulance with a broken leg and we wish him a speedy recovery. However, one wonders what was in the mind of the Linthorpe players as they proceeded to kick lumps out of the Bere team, helped by a referee sponsored by Specsavers. It was not long before Bere's first casualty left the field thanks to a challenge later than Jools Holland and it was no surprise that it was Johnny Cleall, who had been involved in the tackle that led to the broken leg. After losing Johnny, Bere never looked in the game and Linthorpe ran out, or should I say kicked out, easy winners. Hopefully, the return match next weekend would at least resemble a football match and not require ropes and a neutral corner.

Linthorpe 4: Bere Regis 0

In the end, the return game was slightly calmer, although so was World War Two in comparison. Even then Bere were soon down to ten men as a hideous tackle took out Bere's wunderkind Stu Moorse and there were no substitutes to replace him. A goalkeeping performance of heroic proportions by Dave Ramsey kept the score respectable, but with Bere rapidly running out of players the manager was thankful that he did not have to play Linthorpe again this season.

Bere Regis 3: Lytchett R.T. 1

After scrabbling around for players in recent weeks, Dean had the luxury of a squad to choose from and it certainly showed. Sean Pettitt opened the scoring with a close range finish after some good work from Adam and Coxxy. When 'Killer' Watts made it two with a fierce shot from the edge of the area Bere looked comfortable winners, until a bizarre penalty decision against Johnny allowed Lytchett to pull one back. Naturally, Johnny took the decision in his normal casual, relaxed manner and naturally another referee was learning how to write the name Cleall in his book. At 2-1 Bere's nerves started to show, until Wayne Cope gave us a glimpse of what he is capable of with an inch perfect shot over the keeper's head to make the game safe. It was nice to end the league season with a victory, whilst I am sure Dean will be scouring the transfer market with the £1.50 made available by the Board for next season (perhaps Veron will be going cheap!)

Bere Regis 1: Corfe Mullen Utd 8 (Cup)

From the first five minutes when Bere let in a goal so soft Andrex were thinking of making a commercial about it, you just knew Bere did not want to win. Eight goals later and Bere were out of the Cup and going home, with the only consolation being that home was just around the corner and not hundreds of miles away. Next year, perhaps a holiday in Dubai or a party at Deaningham Palace will make a difference!


Bovington Challengers 2: Bere Regis 6

A win for Bere would guarantee a place in the semi-finals and this was easily accomplished in the first half, courtesy of Bere's goal machine, Danny Vater. Despite the sort of football that makes a grown manager weep Bere still went in 4-0 up with Dan grabbing a hat-trick and Earl rattling in another. The second half saw Bere change their tempo…… downwards, to such an extent that the trainer came on to check for pulses. It took two goals from Bovington to shake Bere out of their lethargy but still the players looked like they would rather be somewhere else. Two notable exceptions were Danny Vater and Earl Dacre. Dan made the game safe with a fourth goal, whilst Earl made the game watchable with a peach of a goal. Surrounded by players in the opposition area he danced his way through them like a tubby Wayne Sleep and picked his spot to perfection in the corner. So, the semi-finals beckon, but Bere will need to buck their ideas up if they are to make the final, at least that is what I think the manager said!

P & K Sports 6: Bere Regis 2

With both teams in the semis already this was the game to decide who would have to play the Lions, the Division 2 equivalent of Man United (or should I say Arsenal!). A midweek game at Turlin Moor is about as attractive as Lisa Riley in a leotard, so it was no surprise that Bere were once again scrabbling around for players. Against other teams they may have got away with it but P & K were chockfull of quality and within 10 minutes Bere were 2-0 down and playing for pride. A slight rally saw Bere go close and P & K rattled, but just before half time they hammered in another couple and you could smell the reek of defeat already, or perhaps that was just Bungy forgetting to wash after a hard day on the farm. The second half was largely academic, although Bere attempted a fight back of sorts, thanks to Kev Cox's precision finish. Attempting to pull back a four goal deficit was always going to leave gaps at the back, though, and P & K were just the team to exploit them. The only thing worth remembering from this game would be Bere's last goal and the sight of a Macklin who can actually finish in style and not just scuff one in, as a drilled left foot finish from the chip off the old bloke left the manager almost smiling.

Hamworthy Lions 1: Bere Regis 0 (Cup Semi-final)

The big day had finally arrived! A place in the Cup final beckoned and the only thing that stood in Bere's way was a pack of lean and hungry Lions. For once Nick had a fairly strong squad to choose from and the mood in the dressing room was confident, well it was after Paddles & Son finally turned up, with Paddles eyes more bloodshot than your average Schwarzenegger movie. As Bere finally ambled out to the pitch there was the unexpected sight of a referee, two linesmen, a capacity crowd and a dugout (well, a roped off bit to put the bags in!), perhaps we had driven to Cardiff by mistake. This myth was soon dispelled in the warm up, though, as the Moor's normal stones and bobbles soon showed through. Despite this, when the game started the quality of football was not diminished, although for the first half it was mostly played by the Lions. Bere played a solid rearguard action, with Mark Gale outstanding in his last game before retirement, with some memorable goal-line clearances and last ditch tackling. It was in one such melee that Bere were afflicted with yet another injury scare as Paddles bravely stopped at the feet of a Lions forward and received two perfect stud holes in his arm for his troubles. Sven was looking on with great concern. Luckily, Florence Spivey was on hand to administer some of his new found First Aid skills and the threat of mouth to mouth soon had Paddles running around again. Eventually the pressure was too much and Bere's resolute defence finally crumbled, thanks to a jinking run from the Lions midfield that was finished on the third time of asking. Bere were limited to a couple of chances in the first half, their closest being a decent penalty shout as Dan was tugged back, but all in all Bere were glad to hear the half time whistle. The second half saw Bere come out firing as Spivey flew down the left as in days of old, but with less hair, and crossed for Bungy to be just beaten to the ball. Bere saw more possession in this half yet still they could not create any clear cut chances. In fact it was Lions who almost scored next as a power drive was beaten away by Paddles, which worsened the first half injury and eventually saw him replaced by Dean. As the game wore on Bere became more desperate and 'Lauren' Gale pushed forward for the last fifteen minutes in a final push for that elusive goal. This plan almost backfired as Lions created more scoring chances than Peter Stringfellow, although thankfully they finished just as badly. As the clock ticked away Bere's moment came. A divine piece of football from Chris 'The Magician' Oram found Dan Vater lurking at the back post. The pinpoint cross seemed destined to be put away, but Dan's header floated agonisingly just inches over the bar and Bere's cup dreams floated away with it. As the final whistle blew it was another case of 'So near and yet so far away….' and the only silverware the manager will be holding this year will be when he washes up after dinner. Never mind Nick, one more push for glory next year!!


Shaftesbury Res 4: Bere Regis 2

With the rain now a distant memory both Bere teams had a busy March and April ahead. Now that Bere Saturday side had steered their ship clear of relegation, the manager had set his sights on mid-table glory. Shaftesbury had other ideas though and, despite Squint's brace of goals, Bere had no idea whatsoever. A game best forgotten.

Bere Regis 4: Milborne St Andrew 1

As inevitable as Christmas, or Kev Cox getting booked, or Whippett missing his hairdressing appointment, was the hammering of Milborne. To be quite honest, the score flattered Milborne as Bere were more dominating than Margaret Thatcher in her favourite SS suit. If Bere had achieved the same conversion rate as Johnny Wilkinson you would have needed an accountant to work out the score. As it was, Bere were content with a hat-trick from the prolific Tony Lumsden and a single goal from wing back Shaun Cope. They even gave Milborne the gift of a consolation goal in the last few minutes to keep them happy on the long journey home.

Bere Regis 0: Sherborne Res 4

Oh Dear, Oh Dear! Yet another reserve team thrashing for Bere and Dean is once again left scratching his head trying to find the answers.

Stourpaine Res 3: Bere Regis 0

After this result, Dean has scratched his head so much his hairstyle is starting to resemble Spivey's. He was not helped by the absence of several key players through illness (they were sick of losing!). Those who did turn up gave a sterling performance against one of the favourites for the title. With three games left Bere's place in Division 3 is virtually assured, which allows Dean to think ahead to next season in these games. Any interested players….apply to D Rogerson, next to the shop (or in the pub), Bere Regis. It would be extremely helpful if your last name was Beckham or Giggs, or even Best come to that!!


Windgreen, Corfe Mullen 1: Bere Regis 11

A stroll in the park against the whipping boys of the league was what was expected here. Windgreen had other ideas, though, and in the first half with the wind at their backs they made Bere look pretty ordinary, which they were. Only 2-1 up at half-time and the manager was worried. He needn't have as the real Bere team turned up for the second half and gave Windgreen the kind of pasting Handy Andy loves. It was still left to the defence, though, to start the scoring as first Dean, then Spivey, then Mark made it 5-1 and showed the way to the rest of the team. The confidence oozed back and Bere soon showed the gulf in class by cutting through the opposition at will. In the end, Rob White ended up with 4, Kev Cox with 2, Chopster Oram claimed one and Earle Dacre had the goal of the day with a wonderful flowing move and a precision finish. Bere now stand top of their Cup group and the promise of another 3 points from the same team next week.

Bere Regis 3: Windgreen, Corfe Mullen 2

If this was the same team as last week then I'm an extremely talented footballer (come to think of it, I do recall a couple of faces!!). Despite Windgreen having more ringers than a campanologists club, mostly from their Div 1 team I would guess, Bere still triumphed with the bare bones of a team. Injuries dogged the front line, whilst Bungy was away for a christening, although we could not be sure whether it was a relative, him or just one of his pet sheep passing through the sheep dip. What we were lacking was a big, ugly target man, until Nick pushed Rob White forward as the obvious candidate. Having now lost all the shooting ability he was once blessed with it is good to see that he has improved in other areas. The first goal was a peach as Wayne pulled one of his tricks out a very full bag and found space on the right to ping in a fierce cross that was just begging to be put away. Rob rose like a phoenix to power the header into the net and Bere were in front. When Earl put Bere 2-0 up soon after with a near post finish they looked to be coasting, but just before half-time a magnificent solo effort from Windgreen gave them a lifeline. Their midfield player ran the length of the pitch round several players, including the mini-roundabout that is Dean Rogerson, with Sweet in hot pursuit. As the player neared Paddles, our keeper, he shouted 'Go On Sweet' to give the illusion that he was getting nearer, when he was in fact several yards back and puffing like a steam engine. This ruse did not work, though, and with an exquisite finish Windgreen were only 2-1 down at half-time. The second half needed an early goal to settle Bere's nerves and, thanks to the heading genius Rob White, that is exactly what we got. Despite a late goal to keep things interesting Bere held on to the lead and their position at the top of their table.

Bere Regis 3: Wimborne RBL 2

The last league game meant at least a draw was needed by Bere to retain third place above Wimborne RBL. The start of the game was slightly delayed by a minute's silence in memory of both the Queen Mother and Pete Larder, who had disappeared over the top of a fence and was not seen again for at least five minutes after. However, a mere broken foot does not deter this man of steel and he was soon up and hopping after the ball as usual. The return of 'The Machine' Kev Cox gave Nick Macklin a slightly improved squad, but the furrowed brow was still there. Bere looked the most likely to score in the first half and did with two close range finishes from Wayne Cope and Rob White, courtesy of inch perfect bye-line crosses by Rob White and Earle Dacre respectively. A moment of madness from the normally trustworthy skipper, Mark Gale, gave the Wimborne forward a one-on one with Paddles which he blocked magnificently. However, as the ball looped gracefully towards the goal it was a straight race between Mark and a Windgreen player to see who could get there first. As they arrived simultaneously the Windgreen player headed the ball into the net, whilst Mark was left to head the post and give himself mild concussion. This turned out to be just the start of Mark's injuries as he ended up with more fouls than Bernard Matthews on a day of particularly slack refereeing. Although not one of Bere's best performances, they certainly did enough to win the game and this was virtually secured when Wayne knocked his second into an open goal thanks to the persistence of Rob White. Once again Bere let in a late goal, a magnificent inch-perfect free kick, to keep the manager on his toes but it was too little too late from Wimborne and Bere had secured third place in Dorset Sunday Division 2.

Bere Regis 1: P & K Sports 1

The last time these two teams met it was a 10 goal thriller and the points shared on a day when both team's defences went missing. This time was different as in the Thursday night sunshine an almost capacity crowd (about 30!!) watched Bere give one of their best performances of the season. The pre-match worries about the broken foot had, luckily, been unfounded as David Beckham, sorry I mean Pete Larder, was fit enough to retrieve the balls once more, although slightly hindered by the crutches. Against one of the best footballing teams in the league Bere gave them a lesson in the art of hard tackling and quick passing. Chances were few and far between throughout the game, but the best were carved out by Bere, with the most memorable a sweet 30 yard drive from Chris Oram that the keeper just managed to palm around the post. Goalless at half time Bere continued their constant pressure in the second half. Wayne and Kevin were relentless up front, the midfield were tackling like Trojans and passing like maestros, whilst the backline was as impregnable as Britney Spears (and just as good looking). P & K looked desperate with a clearance off the line and a desperate fingertip save from a stunning 25 yard volley from our returning football genius Dan Vater. When Bere took the lead in the last five minutes thanks to a stooping header from Kev Cox it looked like they had earned themselves a well deserved victory, until Mark Gale decided to show us his shooting prowess. A powerful shot from outside the area by P & K was blocked by Paddles but, thankfully, straight back to Mark's feet. I say thankfully, it might actually been better if it had gone straight to their centre forward who had already missed a couple. It could have been his new boots, or the fact that the opposition were wearing Bere's normal blue and white, or perhaps he had taken the mantle of carthorse for the day from Bungy (out with a broken rib, the poof!). We will never know. What was certain was the perfection of the finish as Mark lashed the ball past Paddles at, roughly, the speed of sound and into the top corner. I swear I heard a sonic boom just as the net bulged. It was a heartbreaking end to a wonderful performance by Bere, the only consolation being the guarantee of a semi-final place in the cup with this point. Bere still need 4 points to try and avoid Hamworthy Lions in the semis, but on this form they should fear nobody, except maybe Mark Gale!!


Bere Regis 6: Handley Sports 0

With fewer points than your average triangle Handley were the proverbial lambs to the slaughter. Despite this Bere still managed to make hard work of it and after a first half more frustrating than a night with Ann Widdecombe Bere still had to find the back of the net. This soon changed in the second half as Bere came out quicker than Will Young. First, Tony Lumsden accepted the gift wrapped pass from Wayne Cope to make it 1-0. Then Johnny Cleall lashed in a one yard power drive and Bere were well on their way. It was not long before Tony snatched another goal with a carbon copy routine of his first, followed by a Jordo power header for the fourth, followed by Adam ‘supersub’ Rogerson making it five from another inch perfect cross by ‘head chef’ Wayne Cope. Having laid everything on a plate all game for everyone else it was only fitting that Wayne would have the last word as he took the ball in his stride, rounded the keeper and finished from an angle tighter than an election in Zimbabwe. Another victory for Dean’s young lions, who are growing in confidence with each point.

Sturminster Marshall 0: Bere Regis 5

After another cancellation the week before due to the appearance of a swamp where Bere Regis Rec used to be the team were raring to take points from a fellow struggler. Playing with a gale force wind at their backs Bere took time to get going and it was left to Hurricane Cox to start the rout. Never one to give up a lost cause (have you seen his car?) Kevin hounded the Stur defender before sticking out a telescopic leg to divert the ball past the keeper and put Bere ahead. They stretched their lead thanks to a wind assisted cross from Shaun Cope that fairly flew into the top corner, Beckham eat your heart out! Against the wind in the second half Bere had to revert to a counter attacking style, which only began to reap dividends when supersub Rogerson came on again for a hungover Lumsden (not a pretty sight). Adam suddenly became a ball magnet as he squandered two decent chances before Wayne gave him the chance to extend the lead and this time he did not miss. The obligatory power header from Jordo gave Bere their fourth and as the game neared its conclusion Stu Moorse decided it was time to give the crowd their money’s worth. After skipping past two players with ease he was scythed down on the edge of the box to give the free kick experts a chance. This was the chance for Wayne to put all the hours he spends on the training ground, or is it the pub, to good use. The keeper could only watch as Wayne hit a ball so vicious it would have Mike Tyson running to his Mummy. A 5-0 win and the manager was as happy as a pig in Shitterton.


Hamworthy Lions 5: Bere Regis 0

I’m not the kind of person to make excuses. Okay, so our top scorer has broken his foot in a pub-related injury (I hope you women realise the bravery of us men in visiting the pub now!!). Okay, so our keeper had injured one of his flippers and was slicing like a ROGS golfer on a good day. Okay, so even the Afghan navy has more subs than we do. Okay, I am the kind of person who makes excuses but, unfortunately, that was all we had to offer against the top of the league. The first half was actually quite even and if Paddles had his proper flippers on and Bungy had his heading head on we may have gone in 1-0 up instead of 1-0 down. The second half was another story. When things are not going well and you are looking for someone to blame, and Stephen Byers is not around, the usual thing is to blame the linesman or the manager. When it is one and the same person your job is made much easier as an offside decision that even a one-eyed bat would have seen gave Lions an unassailable 2-0 lead. Bere crumbled faster than a Mr Kipling and before you knew it were 5-0 down and praying for the final whistle. With one game to go Bere could kiss second place goodbye and the only hope now is a chance of cup glory in a Group that Sven would have given his Volvo for.

Bere Regis 2: Bovington Challengers 1

Rain, rain go away, come again when Bovvy play! This must be what the army chant before each game because once again they arrived bringing rain, wind and mud with them. On a day like this you would be better off watching naked women mud wrestling than watching Bere try to play football. Having said that, most of our supporters would probably prefer that whatever the weather, but the loyal few still turned up to watch a particularly bad performance. If the mark of a good team is that they can still win when they are playing badly then Bere are world class. In the first half, we did see the rare sight of a goal in open play from Mark Gale but that was about all. The performance was neatly summed up by the manager who, having said before the game that we only seem to play for 45 minutes lately, started with ‘So it’s the second half this week then is it?’. Despite this cutting remark Bere still could not rouse themselves, even when Challengers equalised, and there was a huge sigh of relief when Rob White scuffed a shot through the Bovvy keeper to give Bere all the points and a winning start to their cup campaign. As Bere trooped off for a welcome shower the manager was already calculating the points tally needed from the next two games for automatic qualification. No rest for the Macklin!!

January and February 2002

The torrential rains of the last month have washed away all but the most persistent of games. In conditions that have had Mr Noah off to his local B & Q to the ‘Ark building’ section (Aisle 20, Section C if you are interested) and Mrs Noah popping down to PetSmart for a couple of budgies, we owe a great debt to our groundsman, Mr. ‘Angry’ Oram, for his sterling work amongst the floodwaters.


Bere Regis 0: Stourpaine Res 4

Men against boys, masters against pupils, Man United against Man City, whichever way you put it Bere were given a lesson in football this day. Stourpaine hardly broke sweat as they eased their way to a comfortable victory. Only 1-0 down at half time Bere were not helped by the loss of their talisman Johnny Cleall and an injury to Stuart Moorse that was partly the tackle and partly the landing after being sent three foot in the air. The referee had obviously learnt his craft in the fifties when players were hewn from granite and they had leather balls, they certainly needed them with tackles like that. Three more goals later and Stourpaine had three points in the bag. ‘Ginge’ Osmond, the honorary Judas for the day having deserted his beloved Bere for Stourpaine, promised to let Wayne out of his pocket for the Sunday game the next day. A slight blip in the comeback for Dean, but the sign of a good team is how they react to defeat not victory. I am sure that Dean is bringing some toys and a pram in readiness.


Bere Regis 1: Bovington Challengers 0

As the wind howled and the rain pelted, 22 players attempted to play a game of something resembling football. Some players, such as ‘No show’ Cope, obviously had more sense and remained safely tucked up in bed meaning Bere were left with just enough for a team, but what a team! Playing against a Force 8 gale in the first half Bere had their own Force 10 Gale at their backs, shouting instructions to such effect that some of the Sergeant Majors started to take notes. With Spivey keeping the left flank secure and Rogerson holding fast on the right Bovington could find no way through. Even when they did they found Paddles in scintillating form with one memorable full stretch save that could mean another week at the chiropractors. Despite the conditions, the midfield still tried to play football through the swamp and almost broke through on a few occasions. However, in the end Bere were relieved to hear the half time whistle with the game still goalless.

The second half should have been a rout as Bere took advantage of the wind at their backs but the quagmire meant that only a herd of hippos would enjoy this, funny that Dean seemed to enjoy himself though! As the game sploshed and splatted its way to a muddy conclusion it needed a moment of inspiration to separate the teams. Rob White almost provided it with a jinking run and power drive that brought the best out of the Challengers’ keeper. But if you need a job doing you turn to the best…. Bungy Brown. With his new boots shining like a beacon Bungy pounced on a loose ball in the penalty area and thundered a shot through, literally, a crowd of players and into the net. Bovington strived manfully to equalise and played some delightful football at times but Bere guard a lead like a train driver guards his pay rise and were soon celebrating a famous victory. Looking like rejects from ‘Stig of the Dump’ the Bere players squelched off for a well deserved shower and the possibility of second place tantalisingly closer.

Bere Regis 5: P & K Sports 5

Never in the history of football has the expression ‘a game of two halfs’ been more apt. In the race for second place this was a must-win game for Bere since P & K were 3 points ahead of Bere with a game in hand. Unfortunately this season Bere’s performances have stuttered more than Gareth from Pop Idol in a tongue twisting competition and this game showed it. Perhaps it was the sight of two teams arriving to play them that put Bere on the back foot, but after the army had retreated P & K spent the first ten minutes showing Bere how to play the beautiful game. Once P & K scored this awoke Bere from their lethargy and the midfield took the game by the scruff and never let go. The equaliser was a peach of a goal as Dan found space on the right to deliver an inch perfect cross onto Coxy’s head and he finished perfectly. Bere’s tactic of denying space and quick passing on the break were the main reason for their utter dominance of the first half and they took a deserved lead when Rob White outpaced (!) a particularly slow P & K defence and slotted home. Dan stretched the lead as he harassed the last defender into a mistake and when Chris Oram made it 4-1 after a powerful run from Kev Cox Bere looked to be home and dry. The half time interval never did Bere any favours, though, as a nice cup of tea and a chat with the manager about how good they were made Bere more complacent than Tony Blair at election time.

P & K had other ideas and came out firing on all cylinders. They scored in the first five minutes through a sharp turn and shot in the box, whilst Bere treated the ball like it was a letter from Afghanistan, kicking it as far and as high away as possible. As the midfield tired P & K played some pretty football and were soon within touching distance, and then level as their forward outpaced Ginge the tort‘os’ and smashed the ball away. The nightmare was complete with two minutes to go when P & K took the lead from a penalty as Chopster Oram lived up to his nickname and took the player’s legs and most of his torso away. In the dying minutes Bere threw all caution to the wind and piled forward in a desperate search for the equaliser. A corner in the last minute saw all of the Bere team, bar Paddles and Dean, in the opposition penalty area and amidst all the confusion Dan kept a cool enough head to draw a rash tackle and earn Bere a penalty. With Mark Gale off injured the pressure of the spot kick was laid squarely on the shoulders of young Dan. To make matters worse the opposition linesman spent a full five minutes having a tantrum of McEnroe proportions with the referee, throwing the flag down and generally behaving like a child of three, or Coxy on a good day. When Dan finally took the kick he must have felt like Stuart Pearce and Gareth Southgate all rolled into one, which is probably why he kicked the ball so feebly the goalie had to make a real effort to miss it. But miss it he did and Bere had equalised to earn themselves a deserved point in this topsy turvy game.

Whilst all is not lost yet in the race for second place, we are certainly in the stage of not remembering where we put it. To make matters worse it is a must win game next week against top of the league Hamworthy Lions. Time for Nick to dust off the prayer mat once again!!


Old Gits 7: Young Whippersnappers 6

What a magnificent sight we witnessed on a glorious Boxing Day morning. At current rates there must have been £1m worth on that pitch, antique value that is, as the old gits oiled their rusty joints to parade their talents once again. Jimmy Green, Lyndon White, Paul Moss, Steve McEleney, Nick Macklin ….. the names alone evoke memories of late tackles and early baths as they trooped out to a rapturous welcome. They were joined by all the other old fossils who have not yet had the sense to retire against a team that fairly oozed youth, vibrancy and acne. Yet there was still the feeling that these old gits still had one thing the youngsters did not, a referee. As Lyndon White took the whistle you just sensed the old fellers were going to win again and so it proved. The game started badly for them, though, as the youngsters used their 3 man advantage to great effect and soon were two goals to the good. As more players arrived the old gits drafted them in quickly and, with unlikely old gits such as Stuart Moorse and Johnny Cleall, they soon took control. As the goals rattled in the crowd preferred the inevitable sight of Paul Moss missing an open goal and then just missing his own goal with a header that finished up somewhere near Affpuddle, along with the youngsters who attempted to challenge him.

It was lucky that the oldsters had built up a commanding lead as they faded fast in the second half when the superior fitness that puberty brings gave the youngsters an advantage. The game hinged on two penalties. The first was a crucial miss for the old gits by Macca. After being forced to retake the penalty by a pedantic Mr Gale he was obviously intimidated by a hyped up Pete Grobbelaarder and ballooned the ball over the bar by a good four feet. The second was a harsh penalty decision, once again by Mr Gale, against the old gits’ German recruit, now known as that ‘Effenberg’, which gave Ian Macklin the chance to show us what he is made of in goal. From the look of things it was mostly lard as he dived over the ball and it squeezed, amazingly, under his stomach and into the net. At 6-6 the crowd were in for an exciting finale when, with the whistle poised in the ref’s lips, a searching cross found none other than Nick ‘Scuffer’ Macklin racing (!) in at the far post. You never lose that killer instinct and, having buried the winning goal into an empty net, he turned to receive the cheers of the crowd before realising that the cheers were for the opening of the bar rather than his classy finish. Cheer up Scuffer Mac, there’s always next year!!

Rob’s Rockets 3: Darren’s Dazzlers 3

Once the past and present of Bere Regis had left the battlefield there was a chance to see its future. As the parents proudly looked on their under-10’s ran, screamed, kicked and shouted their way through a thoroughly entertaining match. End to end action meant that a goal was inevitable and it was provided by Rob’s goal machine Robert Spivey as he buried the ball past his hapless father in goal. The favour was soon returned by Callum White for the Dazzlers as he smashed the ball past Rob for the equaliser. The game was close, with Nathaniel Scott’s excellent ball control and mazy runs matched by Jack White’s hard tackling and pinpoint passing. With barely a pause for breath at half time the teams continued the frantic pace in the second half as Jake Muscato gave the Dazzlers a lead, only for Aaron Gale to equalise, picking his spot perfectly. This game had everything……Aaron Scott’s speed, Daniel Spivey’s precision passing, Harvey’s tackling, Josie’s finesse, Alice’s power kicks and Stevie Trenchard’s energy. In the end it was left to the two star players to finish things off. First, Jack White ran rings around the opposition before placing the ball past his bewildered dad to put the Dazzlers in front. Then, with seconds remaining, Nathaniel Scott sped down the wing and powered a cross shot into the far corner. With honours shared the teams trouped off to receive their just rewards, a handful of chocolate money and don’t tell the taxman.


Milborne 2 : Bere Regis 8

If ever there was a turning point for the Saturday side, this was it. Bere put a mediocre Milborne side well and truly to the sword with goals from all areas, including a brace from our French maestro, Mr Pettitt. A welcome 3 points in the bag, but still some defensive errors to keep Dean fretting for next week.

Bere Regis 2 : Forest Inn 1

The resurgence continued against another fellow struggler in a close fought match that will be remembered for the much needed arrival of Barry Jordan in the Vieira role and the heroics of Gaz Pitfield in goal. Two wins in a row and the resurgence continues.

Kingston Lacey 3 : Bere Regis 3

Wins against lowly opposition were one thing, but could this run continue against Lacey, lying second in the league and oozing confidence. Bere were certainly not disgraced in the opening exchanges but it was Lacey who opened the scoring. There was a time when this would have prompted a deluge but this is a different Bere side and they soon equalised through a determined header from Johnny Cleall. The teams looked to be going into the break even until, just before the break, a Lacey player used Shaun as a tree and incredibly the goal stood.

Despite going 3-1 behind soon after the break Bere continued to play football and were rewarded with a beautiful finish from Squint at the end of a wonderful flowing move. Could Bere steal a point from the high flying Lacey? The answer came courtesy of Shaun Cope as he raced onto a glorious through ball from Gloves and left the keeper stranded. Another point in the quest for safety.

Allendale 3 : Bere Regis 3

Whatever else happens with this Bere team the one thing you can guarantee is goals. Unfortunately they still happen at both ends and this week was no exception as within two minutes of the start Allendale had taken the lead. Bere currently look like scoring on every attack and it took a very special keeper to maintain the Allendale lead. Even when the keeper was beaten there was the linesman on hand to say the ball had not crossed the line. Why can you never find a Russian linesman when you need one? Never mind, Wayne soon made honours even again with a cool finish from a one on one with the keeper. A second half substitution proved inspired when Chris Pope fired Bere into the lead but Allendale soon equalised from a stunning volley. Bere continued to attack in search of the winner and thought they had it when Gary WatTs placed an inch perfect pass into the bottom corner for 3-2. However, with minutes left a break from Allendale gave a slight shooting chance and from an almost impossible angle they scored in a moment that Gaz will probably have nightmares about for many a day. One more point and, suddenly, Bere are dreaming of third place from top instead of bottom.

Bere Regis 5: Holt Utd 4

If you thought Manchester United were the ultimate escape artists then come and watch Bere make Harry Houdini look like Harry Hill. After an 8-1 drubbing at Holt the manager and his team were slightly anxious, and with good reason. In the first half, the team collapsed like a President with a pretzel and by half time they were 3-0 down and fearing the worst. Dean’s new team talk tactics of storming out of the changing rooms in a huff seemed to work, though, and the second half saw a transformation of Cinderella proportions, with Dean the fairy godmother. The football was matchless, the pressure relentless and the fans were left speechless as Bere took Holt apart. A penalty from Wayne started the rout, ‘Jordo’ Jordan powered a header into the net to make it two and before you could say ‘Gary Watts is a dead ball genius’ he provided the cross that gave Squint a simple header. At 3-3 you would have thought Bere could relax but they were obviously out for revenge and Wayne soon grabbed another to give Bere the lead. The ‘coup de grace’ was provided by a magnificent fifth as ‘Whippet’ ignored the nosebleed sustained from crossing the half way line and powered a bullet cross that Freddie tucked away neatly. A dodgy penalty allowed Holt a final consolation goal, but the comeback kings were not denied their moment of glory and many a pint was quaffed that night!!


Bere Regis 7: Poole Labour 1

After a month of twiddling their thumbs it was back to business as usual for the Sunday superstars. A 6-1 thrashing of Dewlish in a friendly the week before had warmed them up nicely for what could be a tricky fixture given the 3-2 win earlier in the season. This time, however, Bere were on their game and Poole could only watch and admire the quality. An inspired move by the manager to push Kev Cox up front soon reaped a dividend as he beat the offside trap and finished with pinpoint accuracy. His reward was a move back to midfield as Earl was forced off by an injury suffered in the warm up, it must be his age! Despite this the fluent football continued as Bere hit the kind of high Prince Harry has been craving. Wayne Cope, having replaced Earl, made it 2-0 from a Dan Vater cross, as rare as a round from Spivey. Rob White made it three with another majestic solo effort and Kev Cox made it 4-0 at half time with a thunderous right foot finish. Why this was not six or seven is a mystery to all except John Cleall, Wayne Cope and Chris Oram, missing chances so simple even Akinbiye would have scored them.

Never mind, a decent lead at half time and Bere did not let up in the second half either. Despite a rather more battling performance by Labour Bere continued to thread their way through the weary defence and extended their lead courtesy of a penalty as the tenacious Dan Vater was impeded yet again. There was only one person who was going to take this as Kev Cox, on a hat trick for the first time in his illustrious Bere career, wrestled the ball from Mark Gale and lined up his shot. Although the shot was about as powerful as one of his cars the run-up had obviously deceived the keeper and Kev’s hat trick was secure. The celebration afterwards was less secure as an attempted back flip finished up as a back flop. This led to a slight lull in the tempo for Bere and Labour soon took advantage. Ginge never allows Paddles to enjoy clean sheets at home and this has now extended to the pitch as a horrendous mix up between the two allowed a Labour player to slip in for the consolation goal. Bere immediately equalised, thanks to the irrepressible Johnny Cleall, but for Ginge things just got worse as he conceded a free kick for shouting ‘Nuts’. The ref obviously did not tolerate any monkey business. A seventh goal was added from the penalty spot after Dan had earned another penalty, which Kev allowed Mark to convert, but the best was left until last. Wayne Cope, the epitome of skill and talent, found himself one on one with the keeper. Spurning the obvious pass to Rob White for a certain goal Wayne turned the keeper with a sublime touch and, as the empty net beckoned, went for the far more difficult shot into the side netting. Just when Wayne thought things could not get any worse and the jeers rang in his ears, he looked up to see the grinning face of Pete Larder ready to take the mickey for ever more. Hell is a picnic in comparison! The final whistle heralded a triumphant start to 2002 for Bere and long may it continue.


Bere Regis 4: Shaftesbury Res 3

You never know what you are going to get with any reserve side. Thankfully, Bere were playing a team roughly their standard and it made for an entertaining game. Bere were 2-1 ahead at the break, thanks to Lumsden and Pettit, and traded goals early in the second half thanks to Chris Pope. When Bere’s debut keeper gifted Shaftesbury an equaliser with minutes remaining the manager must have thought he had broken several mirrors. Luckily, the team still had something in reserve, that something being Gary Watts as he timed his header to Wayne Cope brilliantly, who needs no second invitation for glory and Bere had once again won by the odd goal. Dean was last seen clutching his chest and muttering something about knowing what Houllier feels like !

Sherborne 4: Bere Regis 3

Another tough fixture against a team riding high in the table but the manager kept faith with his winning side, for the first half anyway. Coming in 2-0 down at half time the manager’s faith was being sorely tested and when this became 3-0 early in the second half Dean was resorting to prayer and a couple of substitutions. This proved to be inspired as, within minutes, the two substitutes, Adam and Sean, contrived a penalty between them, which Wayne slotted home at the second time of asking. When Wayne pulled another back Sherborne started to look shaky, but in their search for an equaliser Bere were caught out at the back and, despite pulling another one back, they once again left Sherborne with nothing to show for their 90 minutes work.

Corfe Mullen Utd 4: Bere Regis 2

Sitting pretty at the top of the league Corfe expected 3 easy points against Bere, but were made to fight all the way as Bere once again came so near and yet so far. Although the result was never in doubt Bere harried and hassled throughout and with a little bit of luck could easily have got something out of the game. As it was, with a pitch that had more holes than Watership Down and a referee slightly to the left of Genghis Khan, Bere’s luck was about on a par with your average Greek plane spotting tourist. Lying third from bottom in the league Dean can only hope that Santa brings him a watertight defence for Christmas.


Bere Regis 0: Hamworthy Royals 0

Hamworthy seem to have a curse on Bere Sunday side. Bere lost both games against the Royals last season and never seem to find the net easily against a team who ride their luck as easily as Frankie Dettori rides a winner. Both teams had chances in the first half, with Bere coming closest as Bungy saw the keeper off his line and attempted an outrageous lob that hit the post and crept agonisingly along the line before anyone could react. The fact that he was hugging his nearest team mate is hopefully a sign of how close he came to scoring than a sign of anything else. I am sure he is all man!

The second half was complete domination by Bere and how they did not score is a question that even Chris Tarrant could not answer. Rob White came close on several occasions as the Bere midfield dominated but age is, sadly, creeping up on him and having cocked the trigger on several occasions it would seem that his shooting is not what it used to be. A frustrating morning and two points lost in the chase for second place.

Hamworthy Royals 3: Bere Regis 2

The return match against Bere’s nemesis was always going to be a tricky affair, but with Mark Gale missing with flu, Johnny Cleall missing presumed hungover and Wayne just missing it looked impossible. Bere just managed to scrape an eleven together, thanks to our ever loyal and sweet Chelsea contingent, but damage limitation was the aim of the game against a full strength Royals side. Despite all this, the first half was fairly even as Bere played above themselves with some neat attacking football. As Bungy and Chris Oram lunged into the tackle, Rob White provided the finesse to orchestrate some of Bere’s best moves and they were unlucky not to score on several occasions. This was left to Hamworthy who, against a makeshift defence, always threatened to spring a rather creaky offside trap and, when they did, an inch perfect pass across the face of the goal gave the Royals midfielder the simplest of tap ins and Bere ended the half 1-0 down.

The second half was less convincing for Bere as Hamworthy dominated the first 20 minutes and quickly accumulated a 3-0 lead, the third being a dodgy penalty decision against Spivey that had his own players calling for him to be sent off. I am sure they were being sarcastic, although you never can tell! This proved to be a blessing in disguise as Hamworthy started to coast and Bere finally pulled their socks up. Dan Vater produced a penalty out of nothing and, in the absence of Mark Gale, powered the penalty away to pull one back. With nothing to lose Bere threw caution to the wind and the Royals were put under more pressure than Vanessa Feltz’s sofa. In the end the Royals cracked thanks to a piece of individual magic from our own Harry Potter, Chris Oram. From nothing he produced a marvellous floated shot that the keeper could only watch into the top corner. As Paddles kept them at bay at the other end, Bere continued to search for that elusive equaliser, helped by a most generous referee who added a full 12 minutes of injury time (must be on Old Trafford time). Unfortunately, this was more ‘A Bridge Too Far’ than ‘The Great Escape’ and Bere had lost a third game and their second place position.

Bere Regis 9: Windgreen, Corfe Mullen 1

When infected with a bad case of ‘losing blues’ the best antidote is certainly a dose of Windgreen taken at home. Whilst some games have been a stroll in the park this year this was hardly even an amble as Bere put this mediocre team to the sword. Windgreen started brightly enough with a wonderful warm-up, and the way they won the toss was a sight to behold. However, from the moment the whistle was actually blown they were never really in the game. Before you could utter the words ‘lamb’ and ‘slaughter’ it was half time and Bere were leading 6-0, the most memorable goal being a precise side foot finish from the master of disaster Rob White as he steamed in like a train, pre-privatisation.

The second half was even more pedestrian as Bere took their foot off the pedal completely and even started to go into reverse. Chances were missed by the goal machine Dan Vater and, whilst he ended up with four goals, he could have easily made double figures. Meanwhile at the other end Windgreen earned themselves a fortunate penalty as their forward felt the full weight of a Rogerson challenge and crumpled to the ground in a heap. Windgreen almost grabbed a second as a delicious volley from fully 30 yards out caught Paddles off guard and he could only watch it hit the post and trickle along the line before shouting ‘Safe’ as always. In the end, the goal tally was Dan (4), Andy (2), Mark, John and Rob, but Bere can play better and they know it.

Corfe Mullen RBL 1: Bere Regis 1

Never a happy hunting ground at Corfe Mullen things looked even worse when the team saw the pitch, a field that made Tora Bora look like the flatlands. The situation was, again, not helped by another rash of hangovers as even the manager had donned his sunglasses and was driven to the game by his personal chauffeur, winning last week must have gone to his head. Despite this, Bere nobly attempted to play football against a spirited Corfe Mullen team, but were often not helped by a distinct lack of co-ordination, summed up by a returning Chris Osmond who found it difficult to pass wind, let alone the ball. The first half was fairly evenly matched, though, and as hangovers slowly disappeared the passing game slowly reappeared. Chances came and went for Bere and they eventually took the lead they deserved when Andy Curtis followed up on an exquisite chip from Oram and was on hand to smash the rebound in.

The game was turned by an injury to Andy Curtis, a switch in tactics by Corfe at half time and a glaring miss from Dan Vater. Andy was injured on the stroke of half time which meant that Bere had to use their only sub and also meant that Andy’s naked aggression was sadly missed up front. Just after half time came the miss of the game as Dan Vater, clean through on goal, only had to slot the ball past the keeper in his customary fashion. Unfortunately, just as Dan shaped to shoot, the ball hit a bump the size of Everest and all Dan could do was shin the ball back to a grateful keeper. Corfe’s decision to switch their playmaker to the back was inspired as, without Bungy breathing down his neck (a horrible thought in itself), he ran the show. It was no surprise when Corfe equalised, although the deflection was unkind to Paddles who was impeccable in goal. What was a surprise was the way the game degenerated into a scrap uglier than Peter Beardsley’s love child. Reckless tackles flew in, the odd stamp was given by postman White, and Mark Gale squared up to a boy who had barely reached puberty let alone Mark’s eye level. In the end, a draw was a fair result and Bere were left to lick their wounds and try to muster a team for next week. With their closest rivals not playing, though, the one consolation was that the team had once again grabbed second place in the league as a result.


Bere Regis 4: Stur Marshall 3

With the team still on a high after the previous week the manager had a dressing room bubbling with confidence. It was no surprise, therefore, when Bere took the lead as Gary Watts took advantage of a fumble by the keeper to head home at the far post. The surprise came when Bere lost their way and allowed Stur to dominate the game. They equalised fairly swiftly and then took the lead as Dean punched the ball straight onto an opposition player’s head which flew into the net. 2-1 became 3-1 as a hopeful ball over the top found a striker in acres of space and he finished with ease. It looked all over until, just before half time, Wayne was the filling in a Stur sandwich, giving the referee no option but to award the penalty. Wayne coolly converted and Bere were back in it.

A half time roasting with all the trimmings brought Bere to their senses in the second half and they dominated throughout. Slick football and hard tackling gave them the advantage and when Gary Watts rose to power another header home the game looked theirs for the taking. Unfortunately, the referee had seen an infringement from his centre circle position and disallowed the goal, which sent Mr Cleall ballistic (more later!). Bere redoubled their efforts and were soon rewarded when Tony Lumsden was on the spot to fire Bere level. Pressing for the winner Bere’s enthusiasm sometimes got the better of them, especially Johnny ‘Mohammed’ Cleall who, on being penalised once again, raised his hands to the heavens and shouted ‘Oh My God!’. Needless to say he was booked and will be sent to Afghanistan as his penance. The game was eventually won by a piece of sublime skill from the one and only Mr Watts. An innocuous pass aimed towards him looked harmless enough, but allowed him to perform a dummy even more outrageous than a Chubby Brown concert. The only person it did not fool was Wayne Cope as he continued his well timed run and finished off in style to win the game for Bere and grab another precious 3 points.

Holt Utd 7: Bere Regis 1

From the euphoria of the previous week Bere were brought well and truly back down to earth. The comments from a downhearted manager were limited to praising a truly magnificent goal from Johnny Cleall and also berating the player that picked up the ball in his own penalty area whilst disputing a decision…..again Mr Johnny Cleall. At the end of the day, it appears that Holt were just too good.

Delta FC 5: Bere Regis 0 (Cup)

When asked to comment this week, the manager’s response was…….no comment!

The cup will have to wait another year.

Lytchett R.T. 7: Bere Regis 2

When asked to comment this week the manager’s response was…….well it can’t really be printed as young children may be reading. A disappointing performance with the only positive being a first goal for young Mr Pope, may it be the first of many.

Bere now lie 4th from bottom and being dragged nervously into a relegation dogfight.


Wimborne R.B.L. 1: Bere Regis 7

A tricky fixture on paper away to the team second in the league certainly brought out the best of Bere. With few hangovers, a good sized pitch and a nice sunny day Bere came, saw and stuffed them. The match was fairly even in the first half with no quarter given and the Bere defence having to cope with a centre forward who timed his flick-on headers to perfection. Despite a few close calls the defence held firm and midway through the half a hopeful clearance gave Dan Vater a one on one with the last defender, who simply could not cope with his pace and skill and in the twinkling of an eye Bere were one ahead. A second goal just before half time from Andy Curtis gave Bere a suitable cushion for the second half, although nobody could have expected the rout to come.

Even more so when a minute into the second half Wimborne pulled one back, thanks to some very slack defending. This did not rattle the Bere veterans though as a tactical switch by the wily manager at half time nullified their centre forward and gave Bere more space in midfield. This was mercilessly exploited as Bere started to pile on the pressure and the goals. Young Vater made it 3, John Cleall made it 4, even Bungy got in on the act with a deflected cross that made it 5. Wimborne had given up by now and it was time for some showboating from the Bere elite. Spivey showed that he is not just a clumsy defender as he first mesmerised Wimborne with a mazy run through their midfield (but don’t mention the shot) and then picked out Dan Vater with an inch perfect through ball that allowed him to complete his hat trick. He then showed why he is a clumsy defender as an attempted volley in front of the goal not only missed the target but eventually went out for a throw-in, much to the amusement of the Bere faithful. He was not alone in this as all the defence tried to get in on the act. Mark Gale jinked his way through the penalty area before hopelessly fluffing his shot and even Paddles left the safety of his goalmouth to take a free kick which troubled the traffic behind the goal more than the keeper. It was left to Wayne Cope to show them how it is done with a classy finish to make it 7. For once, Nick was happy……until next week at least!

Bere Regis 4: Corfe Mullen R.B.L. 2

Another ‘six-pointer’ as Bere faced a team just above them in the league at the start of play, but the team remained confident after their dominant performance the week before. Once again the teams were evenly matched in the first half and, although Bere took an early lead through their goal machine Dan Vater, it was no surprise when Corfe pulled one back before half time. Having seen the problem of the previous week, Nick impressed on his players how important it was to ensure that they came out for the second half like tigers. A minute later the pussycats found themselves 2-1 down and with a mountain to climb. This is no ordinary team ,though, and they soon pulled themselves back into the game with grit, determination and a little bit of help from the referee. Firstly, a clumsy challenge in the penalty box by Corfe gave Mr Ambrose no choice but to point to the spot. Despite howls of protest from the Corfe players Mark Gale calmly levelled the scores at 2-2 and it was game on once more. Then came the turning point. A marvellous piece of tracking back by Johnny Cleall and a robust tackle in our own penalty area had Corfe screaming for a penalty. As Mr Ambrose calmly waved play on Bere cut through the Corfe defence like a knife and Andy Curtis put Bere ahead. The siege on the poor referee by the Corfe players lasted longer and was probably more violent than the one on Kabul. But ‘Curtley’ is made of stronger stuff than any Taliban leader and when Dan Vater added a fourth after evading only three challengers this time (too easy!) the Corfe team had seen enough. A 4-2 win and Bere moved up a place into third.

Poole Labour 2: Bere Regis 3

Bere players do not like Whitecliff Rec. It might be the sea air or the small pitch or the prospect of having a bath with each other at the end, either way the performance is always below par and this was no exception. Much is now expected of this winning team, maybe too much, but in the opening exchanges Bere were certainly second best. Poole Labour looked far more fired up and were certainly beating Bere in the moaning competition, even with Kev Cox on the pitch. They moaned at being given a free kick, they moaned at not being given a free kick, they even moaned at the length of time Paddles was taken to get the ball (that Zimmer frame takes a while to get going). When Bere were given a controversial penalty they made Victor Meldrew look like a Trappist monk. Eventually this proved their undoing as even the most mild mannered referee will react at being told to go forth and multiply and Poole found themselves down to ten men. Even so, Poole Labour still looked the better team and at half time Bere were fortunate to hold a 1-0 lead.

The second half was more even and when Bere started to string some passes together the old confidence returned. Rob White decided to drop slightly deeper to give more room in midfield and he and Chrissy were soon running the show. A neat exchange of passes allowed Kev Cox a clear run on goal and his finish was exquisite as he drew the keeper towards him and then calmly chipped it over him. Comfortably ahead Bere lost all nervousness and started to tear Poole apart. Johnny Cleall had the ball in the net but play was pulled back for the ball ‘allegedly’ crossing the line for a goal kick. Andy and Wayne both spurned chances to increase the lead, one after a series of passing that would have surely earned goal of the season had it got in. As it was, against the run of play, it was Labour who scored next as they finally sprang the offside trap and left Paddles with no chance. Amazingly, Poole Labour then equalised with the comic moment of the game. A back pass to Paddles gave him an eternity to clear upfield but he took too long to pick his spot and an alert forward was brave enough to leap in the way and it fairly flew into Paddles’ net. I say brave enough having seen a perfect imprint of the ball on his leg some half an hour later. This levelled the scores and had Nick Macklin preparing a ‘daisy cutter’ of a rocket for us. Bere almost took the lead again straight from the kick off as a quick thinking Rob White tried a shot as half the opposition were still off the pitch celebrating. The only thing that was missing from the shot was accuracy and power! The game was won in the dying minutes by the graceful right foot of Wayne Cope as a teasing cross from Kev Cox eluded all but Wayne, who killed the ball and finished expertly. There was still time for one more close call as another clearance from Paddles again ricocheted off a Labour player towards the goal, but finished inches wide this time. It was a relieved Bere team that trooped off the pitch to notch yet another victory and move up to second in the league.


Bere Regis 2 Allendale 4

After an 8-2 defeat the previous week the Saturday team really needed a lift and with ten minutes gone Tony Lumsden provided just that with a smart opening goal. Defensive frailties were soon evident again, though, as Allendale equalised and then immediately after, took the lead. Harsh words in stereo from the dynamic duo at half time should have made some difference, but didn’t as two more goals from Allendale put the game beyond Bere’s reach. A late consolation goal from ‘Manny’ Pettitt gave a bit more respectability to the scoreline, but in the end Bere ran out worthy losers.

Forest Inn 1 Bere Regis 1

Caught colder than a naked eskimo, Bere were behind within two minutes against an unknown Forest side. Things did not look good, but Bere soon clawed their way back into the game and were soon peppering the Forest goal. Sean Cope came close on a couple of occasions and even Dean Rogerson registered a 30 yard effort on goal that the keeper just managed to keep out. Despite the pressure, Bere kept their supporters waiting until the 80th minute before netting the equaliser. It was ‘Manny’ Pettitt again who showed a remarkable calm in front of goal to give Bere a share of the points. Bere even managed to score what they thought was the winner, but were denied by a linesman.

Bere Regis 0 Kingston Lacey 2

Perhaps the trick is to start the games 15 minutes earlier, or perhaps Bere need to wake up 15 minutes earlier on a match day, either way the team was caught napping at the start of the game again and it cost them all the points this time. Two goals from Lacey’s nippy forward in the first quarter of an hour meant that Bere had a mountain to climb at a time when the team had been struggling to manage the smallest molehill. With Lacey happy to sit back and defend Bere controlled the rest of the game, but could not break a stronge defence. Another defeat and the manager is nervously looking over his shoulder at the wrong end of the table fast approaching.

Bere Regis 5 Forest Inn 2 aet
(Junior Cup)

This game had everything. Goals, action, skill, crowd violence, sex……well no not sex really, just checking if you were still reading. It was, though, everything a good cup match should be. Brought forward to a midday kick off because of the small matter of an up and coming England match you would have thought Bere would have started even more slowly than in previous games. Sean Pettitt soon bucked this trend, thank goodness, to give Bere an early lead for once. This they held for a full half hour before a lapse of concentration at the back allowed Forest to equalise. The score remained this way for most of the game and the management, sensing a certain staleness, introduced fresh legs and a fresh face with almost immediate results as the substitute put Bere in front.

Bere looked in control and as time ran out so did Forest’s ideas until, with two minutes to go, a needless free kick was conceded and Forest grabbed a dramatic late equaliser courtesy of a Dean Rogerson blunder to force extra time. After quarter of an hour and much huffing and puffing the scores were still level and, with time ticking away, the managers were seriously considering their penalty takers. One last throw of the dice by Bere’s management team was enough to swing the game, though. With the team lacking inspiration and needing a Gascoigne or a Best, who better to have on your bench than Kevin ‘Boudewijn’ Curtis.

The move soon reaped benefits as Sean Pettitt latched on to a wonderful through ball and lobbed the ball perfectly over the onrushing keeper and into the goal. This was soon followed by a magnificent third as an inspirational Kev Curtis jinked his way through two tackles and curled a magnificent pass with the outside of his boot to Sean Cope. Sean took the ball on a few paces before driving the ball back across the goal to the back post where Kev Cox steamed in like a train and hammered the ball into the top corner of the goal. A pleasure to watch and even more fun to see Kev Cox perform a Steven Gerrard goal celebration, then lie there for a full minute before he realised nobody was rushing to hug him. Must be the aftershave Kev!

There was still time for some controversy at the other end as Burt gave a marginal offside and was called a banker for his troubles, or something like that. The Forest player in question soon retreated back to the comfort of his own half when Burt asked him to repeat it and seemed fairly relieved when Burt was held back by Bere’s supporters, as he made Gordon Strachan look positively angelic. Sean Cope put the icing on the cake with a cool finish and Bere could look forward to the next round of the cup.


Bere Regis 4 Broadstone Hotel 2

‘Never change a winning side’ is the old maxim and coming off of a convincing 4-0 win the previous week you would think that would be true. ‘Shut up and do as I say’ is Mr Macklin’s maxim and who are we to argue as the changed side put Broadstone to the sword. The return of the cricketers and the Vaters meant a change in formation which almost proved calamitous in the first few minutes as an unknown Broadstone team ran riot. Mark Gale crashed a header off his own bar and then received an elbow on the nose which improved his temper, and his looks, no end. Playing with the wind at their backs Broadstone looked much the better side and took the lead midway through the half as their forward turned on a sixpence, or was it a dog turd, and finished clinically. A few chances were spurned, notably a header from young Vater that he curiously tried to chest into the net, but at half time Bere looked sunk.

The second half was a different story. Bere looked more like the side of old with hard tackling, assured passing and quicksilver movement. They equalised courtesy of last season’s top scorer Danny Vater, who was is the right place to stab home after Andy had stung the keeper’s fingertips. However, in a scene reminiscent of Greece vs England, Broadstone soon took the lead again thanks to our resident clown, I mean keeper, Terry ‘Paddles’ Vater. He soon showed us that he is not a one-trick pony but a no-trick donkey, as in trying to dribble round their centre forward he lost the ball and, despite saving the initial shot, was flat footed for the rebound. This only prompted Bere to redouble their efforts and allowed Wayne Cope to show us what he is truly capable of. From fully 35 yards out he conjured up a majestic strike that flew into the top corner and left the keeper standing. Bere never looked back from that moment and Danny Vater was the man of the moment again as he, firstly, stole the lead for the first time and then completed his hat trick soon after with a wonderful solo effort. There was just time for Bere’s ‘enfant terrible’ to make a clear run on goal, beat the keeper and then fall over unchallenged in front of an open goal to keep his fans entertained, but let us not dwell on that.

Two wins out of two and Bere were on their way.

P & K Sports 2 Bere Regis 1

Stag nights always cost the Regis deer and this week was no exception. The entire midfield looked as if they were auditioning for ‘Zombies, Dawn of the Dead’ as they stumbled their way through one of the worst Bere performances for years. P & K were eminently capable of playing football and the disappointment for the suicidal manager was that Bere let them. Lucky to be only 1-0 down at half time Nick exhorted his team to pull their socks up, but even this meagre task was beyond them. Expected to raise their game in the second half Bere could just about raise a leg and it was no surprise when P & K extended their lead early in the half. The team as a whole found passing the ball as difficult as passing a pub and were lucky to still be in contention with 5 minutes to go. However, urged on by their senior ‘Headmaster’ they nicked a late goal as Dan Vater’s shot was plucked out of the air in style by a defender for a clear penalty. Mark Gale slotted the ball home but too late as Bere only had time for one more shot on goal.

A comprehensive defeat with the only consolation for the manager being that Bere would find it difficult to play that badly again.

Bere Regis 0 Hamworthy Lions 4

Hamworthy Lions were the runaway leaders of the league and arrived at Bere Rec with the proud record of maximum points and an average of 8 goals a game. Bere are generally happy to have 8 players, let alone 8 goals, a game but still fancied their chances of upsetting the form book. This was reinforced when, against the wind, Bere more than matched their opponents in all departments and could, indeed, have taken the lead early on. A team of the Lions’ quality only need half a chance, though, and some slack marking at a free kick allowed that chance with Dean left helpless from a point blank header. Bere continued to give as good as they got until Hamworthy got their second goal. Bere’s veteran defender Darren Spivey had neglected to cover his wedding ring and so was banished to the sidelines to remove it. Down to ten men until play stopped Bere were caught out at the back and were left 2-0 down at half time.

With the wind at their backs Bere normally turn the game around in such situations, but not this week. Lions were simply too good as they passed their way out of trouble and Bere were left chasing shadows. The lead was increased midway through the second half as a deep cross was met perfectly at the back post and the game was killed off with ten minutes to go as a slick move gave Lions yet another one on one with Dean, which the forward duly despatched. Bere spurned some late chances for a consolation goal, but at the end of the day could not argue with the final score.

As Lions quickly phoned and texted for inside information on other games in the league (not that I am suggesting they are trophy hunters) Bere could at least comfort themselves on a more convincing performance than the previous week. Although simply not turning up would have been an improvement on that, so still some work to do for the hardest working manager in the league.

Bovington Challengers 1 Bere Regis 5

Playing the army is always an adventure. You never quite know where you are changing (the back of Paddles’ van this time) or who you are playing (a weakened side, for obvious reasons). However, the teams still looked fairly evenly matched before the game as many Bere players nursed hangovers from the celebration of England’s 2-2 thrashing of Greece. Bere had the supposed misfortune of playing against a driving wind in the first half, but in this topsy turvy game this worked to their advantage. Any through ball from the opposition tended to shoot through the defence like an Exocet into the relatively safe hands of Paddles and it was Bere who ruled the half. An early goal settled the nerves as a hopeful cross from Johnny Cleall bounced like a ping pong ball over the keeper and into the net. This had the unfortunate consequence that Johnny had nobody to moan at afterwards, but that did not stop him as, in the strangest goal celebration I have ever seen, he berated his forwards for not getting on the end of the cross. A severe case of Pre Match Tension, I think!

This was soon followed by the unusual sight of a headed goal from Danny Vater as he rose like a phoenix to power a precision corner into the net. Bovington pulled one back soon after thanks to a lapse in concentration by Daddy Vater as he dropped the ball straight to an eager centre forward who calmly tucked it away. Luckily, we had the other Vater in the team who rose to the occasion again by heading another corner in, just to show the first one wasn’t a fluke. Bere were fully in charge by now and extended their lead as, with a little rub of the green for once, a hand ball decision in the penalty area allowed Mark Gale to get on the score sheet once again. The ‘coup de grace’ for the half was left to Chris Oram as he robbed an over eager defender in style and clipped the ball round the onrushing keeper with aplomb. 5-1 at half time and the game was all over bar the shouting. That was provided by Bovington in the second half, but stout defending from Bere, including a goal line clearance from Spivey after a magnificent save from Paddles, kept the scores the same. Bere could have extended their lead on a couple of occasions but Dan did not have his shooting boots, whilst Rob White was lucky not to be booked for his dying Swan impersonation in the penalty area that was greeted with howls of laughter rather than howls for a penalty. A 5-1 win for Bere was just the tonic needed after a bad couple of weeks and some top of the table clashes looming.


Handley Sports 0: Bere Regis 5

After finishing last season on a winning streak, hopes were high for this season. The addition of Burt Stranach to the management team relieves a bit of the pressure for Dean and allows him to play his natural game on the pitch, whatever that is. Things did not quite go to plan, though, as the squad was slowly whittled away in pre-season. Ricky Cummings, last season’s highest goal scorer, decided to retire at the peak of his career. Chris Oram has gone on to bigger and better things in the Combination league, whilst injuries have also played their part. Even the ever reliable Macca had returned to his native land for a wee spell on the rigs and a conversation with people who can actually understand him. Add to this an important, but relatively easy, game for England against Germany which some found difficult to miss and the struggle to find a team had started all over again.

Despite all this, Dean found eleven good men and true and they proved more than a match for a struggling Handley side. The safe hands of Dean Rogerson in goal and a solid defence gave the launch pad for a bit of shooting practice. Goals came from all areas of the pitch, ranging from Sean Cope up front, to the midfield workhorses of Dr Dacre, the new kid on the block Stuart Moorse and a peach from Adam Rogerson. Even the defence got involved as Johnny Cleall showed he is more than just a defender with a left foot cracker. A good start to the season and the promise of much more to come.

Bere Regis 2 Corfe Mullen Utd 8

From Man U to Man Useless, all in the space of one week. In a game best forgotten, we shall dwell only on the fightback from 2-0 down after 10 minutes to 2-2 at half time, with goals from Squint and Adam ‘Netscorcher’ Rogerson. The second half was a tale of woe from start to finish, although all credit to a good Corfe Mullen team who made Bere look very ordinary, a surprising feat given the quality in the Bere team. The return of Dean Rogerson between the sticks after his cricket/boozing tour may make all the difference. Let us hope so, for a few horrible moments I felt what it was like to support Germany!


Windgreen, Corfe Mullen 0: Bere Regis 4

After an unbeaten run in pre-season friendlies, including a draw against the mighty Sandford and the great Tommy Killick (what do you mean ‘never heard of him’), the Sunday side was nicely warmed up for the season ahead. However, with the squad decimated by a cricket tour, injuries to key players (Rob White, no less!) and a difficulty to get up on a Sunday morning things did not look good. Even the manager was tour-bound, so it was up to Mark Gale to take the reins and replace Mr Macklin, a difficult proposition without the use of a bucket of hair whitener. Having fulfilled the first rule of management i.e. get 11 players, the rest was plain sailing for Mark as he brushed convention aside with the introduction of a youthful and vibrant midfield….and Bungy! The tactic worked, though, as against the wind Bere played the kind of football that lesser teams can only dream of.

A sweet symphony was played through the middle of the pitch, with Johnny Cleall being chief conductor. Showing more tricks than a magician on overtime Johnny ran a masterclass of midfield play, ably assisted by Wayne Cope and even Bungy Brown joined the show. A clear reticence to shoot was the only obstacle to Bere notching up a cricket score and Windgreen counted themselves most fortunate to be only two goals down at half time. These goals both came courtesy of a revitalised Andy Curtis, one a near post header which looped gracefully into the far corner, a sight almost as rare as Andy buying a round.

The second half was even more one-sided than the first as, against the wind, the Windgreen keeper found it hard to reach the edge of his penalty area, let alone the halfway line. Bere saw more possession than you would see in ‘The Exorcist’, but yet again could not make it count. The approach play was sublime as Simon Walker and Kev Cox also lunched on the feast of football, but still the final touch was elusive. Sean Cope almost opened his account on his debut game for the Sunday side, but a point blank save from a brave keeper denied him. It was left to Andy Curtis to stretch Bere’s lead and complete his hat trick, being the first to react to a thunderous shot from Wayne which cannoned off the cross bar. The rout was completed soon after as ‘man of the match’ Cleall showed some quick feet in the box and was ruthlessly scythed down as a consequence. Despite him squealing like a girl and diving like a fish the referee still gave a penalty, which Mark Gale duly dispatched. A 4-0 victory complete Bere wended their merry way home, via the Worlds’ End, but there are sure to be harder games than this in store.