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The Statistics 2005 - 2006

Saturday Team

LEAGUE TABLE
POS   P W D L GD PTS  
1 AC Matravers 18 13 2 3 34 41
2 Lytchett Red Triangle 18 13 2 3 31 41
3 Purbeck Panthers 18 11 3 4 26 36
4 Kangaroos 18 10 3 5 24 33
5 Bere Regis 18 7 4 7 1 25
6 Broadmayne 18 7 3 8 -6 24
7 Easton United 18 4 6 8 -7 18
8 Wareham Rangers 18 3 4 11 -18 12 *
9 Cranborne 18 3 3 12 -44 12
10 AFC Hurst 18 3 2 13 -41 11
* adjustment made
PLAYER SEASON TOTALS
PLAYER  Appearances  Bench  Goals  Overall Goals  Started
Blake, Rob  1  1      1
Brannigan, Martin  1        1
Brown, Darren  4  5      4
Cope, Shaun  11  5  8  8  11
Cope, Wayne  15    6  6  15
Cox, Kevin  15  1  1  1  15
Lumsden, Tony  14    3  3  14
Macklin, Ian  1        1
Macklin, Peter  2  1      2
Mahoney, Michael  6  3      6
Moore, Adrian  9    1  1  9
Moss, Adam  11        11
Oram, Chris  12  2  2  2  12
Osmond, Chris  13    3  3  13
Percy, Neil  6  7      6
Pettitt, Shaun  10  1  3  3  10
Rigler, Dave  9  4  1  1  9
Rogerson, Adam    2      
Rogerson, Dean  16        16
Spivey, Darren  15    1  1  15
Vincent, Gareth  12    2  2  12
Walker, Michael    1      
White, Nick    2      
White, Rob  4  10  1  1  4
TEAM SEASON TOTALS
 Goals  Overall Goals
 32  
 
 32  
 
RESULTS
    HOME   AWAY  
L SAT 10 SEP 2005 Bere Regis 0 - 4 Purbeck Panthers
L SAT 17 SEP 2005 Bere Regis 3 - 2 Wareham Rangers
L SAT 24 SEP 2005 Easton United 1 - 1 Bere Regis
L SAT 15 OCT 2005 Cranborne 1 - 4 Bere Regis
L SAT 05 NOV 2005 AC Matravers 3 - 1 Bere Regis
L SAT 19 NOV 2005 Broadmayne 0 - 0 Bere Regis
L SAT 26 NOV 2005 Lytchett Red Triangle 5 - 1 Bere Regis
L SAT 17 DEC 2005 Bere Regis 3 - 1 AFC Hurst
L SAT 07 JAN 2006 Bere Regis 2 - 3 AC Matravers
L SAT 21 JAN 2006 Purbeck Panthers 1 - 1 Bere Regis
L SAT 28 JAN 2006 Bere Regis 5 - 1 Cranborne
L SAT 04 FEB 2006 Bere Regis 0 - 1 Lytchett Red Triangle
L SAT 11 FEB 2006 Bere Regis 1 - 2 Easton United
L SAT 18 FEB 2006 Wareham Rangers 2 - 2 Bere Regis
L SAT 25 FEB 2006 AFC Hurst 1 - 5 Bere Regis
L SAT 04 MAR 2006 Bere Regis 2 - 1 Kangaroos
L SAT 18 MAR 2006 Kangaroos 1 - 2 Bere Regis
L SAT 29 APR 2006 Bere Regis 2 - 4 Broadmayne

Sunday

DORSET SUNDAY LEAGUE DIVISION TWO TABLE
POS   P W D L GD PTS  
1 Purbeck AFC 24 22 1 1 98 67
2 Rising Sun 24 21 1 2 94 64
3 Wallisdown Sports 24 19 0 5 72 57
4 Hamworthy Labour Club 24 12 4 8 42 40
5 Dumpton Academicals 24 11 5 8 25 38
6 Sturminster Marshall 24 12 0 12 26 36
7 Bere Regis 24 10 2 12 -29 32
8 Morden 24 10 0 14 -59 30
9 Broadstone Con 24 8 1 15 -29 25
10 Bryanston Club 24 6 3 15 -23 21
11 AC Electrical 24 6 3 15 -46 21
12 Horse and Groom 24 6 1 17 -75 19
13 Windgreen Corfe Mullen 24 2 1 21 -96 7


PLAYER SEASON TOTALS
PLAYER  Appearances  Bench  Goals  Overall Goals  Started
Bennett, Thomas  8  3  9  9  8
Cleall, John  3        3
Cope, Shaun  17  2  18  18  17
Cope, Wayne  5  1  2  2  5
Cox, Kevin  13  3  4  4  13
Curtis, Kevin    7      
Dyke, Carl  16  5      16
Gale, Tristan  13  3      13
Lippitt, Darren    2      
Lumsden, Tony  4    1  1  4
Macklin, Ian  3        3
Macklin, Peter  13  1  6  6  13
Mahoney, Mick  15    5  5  15
Moorse, Alex  1  1      1
Moss, Adam  4        4
Owers, Brendan  18        18
Percy, Neil  18    1  1  18
Pettitt, Ryan  11  1      11
Pettitt, Shaun  5    1  1  5
Portt, Kevin    3      
Rogerson, Adam  8  10  1  1  8
Rogerson, Dean  20        20
Spivey, Darren  1        1
Walker, Michael  17  1  4  4  17
White, Nick  17    2  2  17
TEAM SEASON TOTALS
 Goals  Overall Goals
 54  
 
 54  
 
RESULTS
    HOME   AWAY  
L SUN 11 SEP 2005 Sturminster Marshall 5 - 1 Bere Regis
L SUN 18 SEP 2005 Bere Regis 0 - 9 Wallisdown Sports
L SUN 25 SEP 2005 Morden 1 - 6 Bere Regis
L SUN 02 OCT 2005 Bere Regis 1 - 4 Dumpton Academicals
L SUN 16 OCT 2005 Bere Regis 2 - 1 Bryanston Club
L SUN 23 OCT 2005 Bere Regis 4 - 1 Windgreen Corfe Mullen
L SUN 06 NOV 2005 Broadstone Con 3 - 1 Bere Regis
L SUN 13 NOV 2005 Windgreen Corfe Mullen 0 - 8 Bere Regis
L SUN 20 NOV 2005 Bere Regis 3 - 6 Purbeck AFC
L SUN 27 NOV 2005 Horse and Groom 1 - 4 Bere Regis
L SUN 04 DEC 2005 Bere Regis 0 - 0 Rising Sun
L SUN 11 DEC 2005 Bere Regis 2 - 3 Sturminster Marshall
L SUN 18 DEC 2005 Hamworthy Labour Club 3 - 3 Bere Regis
L SUN 08 JAN 2006 Bere Regis 4 - 2 Hamworthy Labour Club
L SUN 15 JAN 2006 AC Electrical 0 - 3 Bere Regis
L SUN 29 JAN 2006 Dumpton Academicals 5 - 0 Bere Regis
L SUN 26 FEB 2006 Bere Regis 3 - 2 Broadstone Con
L SUN 12 MAR 2006 Bere Regis 3 - 8 Horse and Groom
L SUN 19 MAR 2006 Bere Regis 3 - 2 AC Electrical
L SUN 26 MAR 2006 Wallisdown Sports 4 - 0 Bere Regis
L SUN 02 APR 2006 Bere Regis 3 - 5 Morden
L SUN 16 APR 2006 Bryanston Club 1 - 3 Bere Regis
L SUN 23 APR 2006 Purbeck AFC 5 - 0 Bere Regis
L SUN 30 APR 2006 Rising Sun 15 - 0 Bere Regis
 


Heading BallMatch reports for BRFC 2005 -2006 season

April / May 2006

Saturdays

Bere Regis 2: Broadmayne 4

Scorers: Gingealdinho, Darrenaldo

Having already wrapped up fifth spot, Sven White decided to have a bit of fun with the line up and gave a chance to two unknowns in the Theo Walcott mould: Gingealdinho and Darrenaldo. Despite no previous league experience in the forward line (but plenty at the back!) this untried pairing were soon terrorising the Broadmayne defence. There is nothing that terrifies a defence more than pace and these boys were soon showing the kind of speed that Pete Doherty would be proud of. The first opportunity fell to Gingealdinho when head waiter Kev Cox outpaced the defence, drew the keeper and literally laid it on a plate. Whilst the ‘GingerPounder’ may have the pace of Michael Owen he showed us the finishing of Michael Mouse as, with the goal at his mercy, he skewed his shot wide. Thankfully, Darrenaldo was on the top of his game soon after as he crunched into a 60:30 challenge with the keeper and the ball fell to his striking (or so the girls say!) partner. Always the gentleman, he waited for the defenders to get back before chipping the ball over their heads and into the goal to take the lead. But this game was not all about this legendary front line. At the back, the pairing of White and Vincent had some of us older players reminiscing about the defensive greats, Bobby Moore and ‘Big Ron’ Atkinson. I was certainly thinking Moore-Ron when I was watching them play. However, one of the turning points was the arrival of Dean Rogerson in goal to replace the Broadmayne player, who was doing an excellent job. Dean seemed more concerned with saving his hands for cricket in the afternoon and was showing all the aggression of a French chicken! Before you knew it, a looping header just eluded him and it was 1-1.

The second turning point came when one half of the dynamic duo had to leave to be an usher in the afternoon (only in Dorset football!), to be replaced by a Broadmayne forward whose heart was never really in it. Broadmayne were showing a bit more hunger than Bere, except for Kevin Cox who has more hunger than the whole Ethiopian nation, and so it was no surprise when they opened up a two goal lead. The Copes finally decided to leave the safe haven of the touchline to come on for the last twenty minutes and Shaun Cope was soon terrorising the defence, his own that is as he slotted in at the back but continued his repertoire of flicks and tricks. When 3-1 became 4-1 you would have thought it was all over, but the best was yet to come. ‘Darrenaldo’ Spivey, playing in what could well be his last game now he has hit the big four ‘O’, spotted the near post ball before Wayne had even thought of it. In true Gianfranco Zola style he stepped over the ball and back heeled it past a bemused keeper, to the amusement of all his team mates. Form is temporary, class is permanent…..and this boy has had more class in his time than Mr. Chips!

As the final whistle went and the players ambled off to the bar, the manager was left to mull over a season that saw Bere hit the heights in their Cup win over Lyme Regis; plumb the depths in defeat against Lytchett and Purbeck; and come within touching distance of that elusive Cup final!! Whilst they couldn’t blame food poisoning, I wonder if alcohol poisoning could be used to get that semi final replayed…….


Sundays

Bere Regis 3: Bryanston 1

Scorers: T Lumsden, W Cope, P Macklin


Purbeck AFC 5: Bere Regis 0


Rising Sun 15: Bere Regis 0


Whoever arranged the last two games against the two teams vying for the Championship must have had it in for Bere. Having wrapped up eighth spot against Bryanston in fine style there was little incentive for players to turn up and so the usual suspects didn’t, leaving Adam with just ten players against a Rising Sun team who had to score at least twelve goals to be in with a chance of the league, the rest is history…..

Leaving these last two games aside, Adam can look back on a job well done this season. Despite being relegated last season, he has galvanised a team spirit amongst the youngsters (probably gin!) and brought them together (at Clouds Hill mostly) to produce a very capable little side.

With a bit of dabbling in the transfer market (otherwise known as asking round in pubs and clubs) next season may be something to savour……

March / April 2006

Saturdays

Kangaroos 1: Bere Regis 2

Scorers: G Vincent, own goal


With Sven Goran White on his travels in Spain, it was down to Tord Spiv to take over the reins again. With an injury list longer than Bungy’s arm and playing the team above them in the league, things did not look good. However, using persuasive techniques that even Alan Sugar would be impressed with Tord managed to gather a squad scratchier than a dog in a flea circus. The fact that Bere were also returning to the scene of their Cup humiliation the week before only added to the sense of foreboding.

However, learning the lessons of the previous week, Tord persuaded Vinny to play uphill and against the wind in the first half and the tactics paid off. With the midfield and defence working their socks off and Percy playing a blinder in goal Bere managed to keep it goalless until half time and the game was in the bag. One particular save from young Percy gave him such a smack in the ear that he could hardly hear, especially when asked for his match fees…..!

So all Bere had to do was turn up for the second half and the game was all theirs, how wrong could you be!! Within minutes of the restart, Kangaroos had worked an opening and taken the lead. After scoring, they continued to play with pace and precision and worked several openings that were either thwarted by our inspired keeper, or simply missed through poor finishing. However, Bere weathered this storm and soon started to put together their own little rain cloud, culminating in a goalmouth scramble that bounced off a Kangaroo (as it would!) and went in. Confidence now oozed through the team and when Mike Walker’s pace created a free kick opportunity, Vinny stepped up to the plate. The precision free kick was a joy to behold as it flew in off the inside of the far post with the keeper helpless. Unrestrained joy led to more male hugging than a George Michael video. Bere clung on for yet another memorable victory and an assured fifth spot in the league, just missing out on Europe yet again…unlike their manager!!

Sundays

Bere Regis 3: AC Electrical 2

Scorers: P Macklin, S Cope, W Cope


Wallisdown Sports 4: Bere Regis 0


Bere Regis 3: Morden 5

Scorers: T Lumsden, W Cope, S Cope


Just the one win in the month was disappointing for a manager that now expects more than Oliver himself. Even that win was much closer than it needed to be in a game where Bere edged their way back from 2-1 down against AC Electrical, who appeared to derive their name from the fact that they were truly shocking! An instantly forgettable game against Wallisdown was followed by a game that should only be remembered for a legendary goalkeeping performance from Bere’s new keeper for the day. You could say it was a truly Titanic effort, as in the ocean liner not the Greek legends! With worse handling than a second hand Lada we can only assume that he was having a day as off as the contents of a student’s fridge. It is a shame that Bere’s last home game should end in such a way but this did not stop the players retiring to the bar to celebrate a pretty decent season and catch the Grand Prix on TV…the only thing the keeper caught all day!!



Match Reports February - March 2006

Saturdays

It is a shame that the only bad result this month was the one that mattered most!

Wareham Rangers 2: Bere Regis 2

Scorers: W Cope, C Oram

Wareham Rangers fielded a few of their combination players, yet still Bere showed that they are at home in such illustrious company. Despite going a goal down when the ball bounced over Ginge’s head (Losing height as well as weight!), Wayne tucked a near post cross neatly away to keep Bere level at half time. Disaster struck soon after the break when a handball decision against Spivey gave Wareham a penalty more dubious than a nursery school run by Gary Glitter. Bere were not downhearted though and it was Wayne Cope, having tormented the Wareham defence all day, who set off on a run past several defenders then teed up the ball for Chris Oram, cooler than an arctic cucumber, who passed the ball into the net for the equaliser and a well deserved point, followed by an even more well deserved pint!

AFC Hurst 1: Bere Regis 5

Scorers: R White, D Rigler, W Cope, S Cope (2)

On a day windier than a ‘sprout and baked bean’ eating competition Bere indulged in a spot of strolling in the park as they took all the points in a game that was not for the purists amongst you. There was more chance of Bungy completing a crossword than Bere completing a pass, yet still they were 3-1 up thanks to that midfield dynamo Dave ‘It’s Dave’ Rigler. It was his corner that set up Rob’s headed goal and his shot that fairly burst the net for a second. A third from Wayne killed off the game, but that didn’t stop Hurst trying to get back in the game, ably assisted by a neat piece of misjudgement from Dean in goal, flapping like an excitable seal at a corner! It was only when Bungy and Shaun were added to the fray that Bere found their scoring touch again. Two shuddering tackles from Bungy caught Hurst at sixes and sevens and Shaun was on hand to complete a double quick double.

Bere Regis 2: Kangaroos 1

Scorers: K Cox, W Cope

Despite Kangaroos being above Bere, they were caught on the hop (I have been waiting all season to use that!!) by a Bere side playing for places in the semi final. Spivey gave away his now traditional penalty to let Kangaroos take the lead, but Bere’s midfield were in the mood today, no more so than Kev ‘The Wolverine’ Cox who chased the ball down, won possession and unleashed a shot that deflected into the net. The bounce was now in Bere’s step as they tore into the Kangaroos and won the game thanks to a superbly timed flick from Ady Moore and a sublime finish from Wayne Cope. The down side was an injury to Ginge that may put him out of the semis, who’d be a manager….

Dorchester YMCA 5: Bere Regis 1 (Cup Semi Final)

Scorer: A Moss

If I were Jose, I would be blaming injuries, the referee, the pitch, Arsene Wenger and God. But I’m not and this was simply a case of our luck finally running out. In an ideal world Ginge would have lasted for more than 15 minutes (on and off the pitch!); Squint’s inch perfect lob would not have been cleared off the line; YMCA’s forward would have been marginally offside for their first goal rather than marginally onside; Coxy would have buried the sitter he skewed wide; and Bere would have held on for a plucky 1-0 win. Unfortunately, we live in the real world. A world where several great chances are missed; Bere’s defenders are easily outpaced; YMCA’s forwards find the corners with every shot; and Spivey decides to concuss himself in the last minute and miss out on the fun and frolics of a night out in Dorchester with the lads! If life is like a box of chocolates, why do we always end up with the nougatty one!!

Sundays


Bere Regis 3: Broadstone Cons 2

Scorers: A Rogerson, K Cox, M Mahoney

Let us remember the games where Bere come back from 2-1 down in a comeback that would have Rocky scratching his head in disbelief. Let us forget the games where hangovers mean that the game is started with only ten men. Let us remember a peach of a goal from Adam Rogerson.

Bere Regis 3: Horse and Groom 8

Scorers: M Walker (2); S Cope

Let us forget the games that go pear shaped. Let us remember Kevin Cox running 40 yards to harry the defender into a mistake then finish at the keeper’s near post. Let us forget a defence about as safe as £50m in the hands of Securitas. Let us remember Mick Mahoney’s screamer to win the game in the last minute….

Saturdays January/February

Bere Regis 0: Lytchett RT 1

Bere Regis 1: Easton Utd 2

Scorer: W Cope

A month of mixed fortunes for the Regis as a good start was spoiled by a truly awful final result against Easton. The main problem is that, against the league leaders like Purbeck and Lytchett, the players raise their game. Against the likes of Cranborne and Easton they look as motivated as a sloth in a massage parlour.

Purbeck Panthers 1: Bere Regis 1

Scorers: C Osmond

Against Purbeck, the most difficult part for players like Coxxy was getting out of the changing rooms, as he skated round the village hall on his studs like he was auditioning for Dancing on Ice. Once on the pitch Bere were more than a match for their league leading opponents and took a deserved lead when Ginge ‘The goal machine’ Osmond stumbled one into the net from a corner. As the second half progressed Bere looked on course for victory and even squandered a couple of decent chances, which they were left to rue when Purbeck equalised late on with a floated cross that curled agonisingly past Dean. Against Lytchett, it was a similar story. Despite having a spanking of Tory politician proportions against them earlier in the season, Bere’s scratch side took the game to them and deserved at least a point. The only black spot in an otherwise bright performance was a misplaced pass from young Mr Moore that went straight to a Lytchett player who, with a clear run on goal, scored the winner. He must have missed out on his Sanatogen that morning!

Bere Regis 5: Cranborne Res 1

Scorers: D Spivey, C Osmond, C Oram, S Cope, A Moore

A poor performance against Cranborne still finished with a hatful of goals from a team so woeful in defence even Spivey scored against them! Against a defence that would make Stonehenge seem positively agile, Spivey ghosted in at the back from a corner and volleyed a cracker that almost burst the net, his first competitive goal for three seasons. Despite being pegged back by a smart finish from Cranborne’s lively forwards, Ginge soon restored their lead from a corner again and then split the defence for Oram to score on his birthday (21 again!). the second half was much the same as Bere hardly moved out of gear to score another couple and finish the game off. Shaun Cope powered a drive past the keeper, whilst Bungy threaded an exquisite pass through for Adrian Moore to finish with aplomb. An even poorer performance against Easton gave Bere their worst defeat of the season (so far!). Despite being hammered by a few lofty teams, this was much worse because it was a game Bere should have won by a country mile. Two defensive mistakes gifted Easton their goals. Meanwhile, in front of goal Bere were finishing as well as Devon Loch! Despite around 6,350 corners Bere’s only goal came from a Wayne Cope penalty when Squint was felled in the box (painful!). A game to forget and a season that could still end in disaster if Bere do not pull their socks up!

Sundays

January/February

Dumpton Academicals 5: Bere Regis 0

Dumped on by Dumpton!!

Not much more to say really, except that the new team spirit started to falter, which is one thing these youngsters cannot afford to lose. Injuries, weather and birthday parties have conspired to make this the only game of the month but, hopefully, the new Bere Regis will return in their next match.

Boxing Day Extravaganza


Old Gits 3: Young Whippersnappers 2

(12A: Contains violence, strong language, sex references, horror and partial nudity)

Never before has a match report needed a classification, but some of this game was certainly not fit for our younger readers and, obviously, I blame the referee. Mark Gale displayed as much control as an incontinent on a pogo stick and the players simply took advantage. The poor Old Gits, with only a three man advantage this year, were out of their depth for much of the first half and outplayed by the Young Whippersnappers. A combination of hangover and early morning whisky meant that tackles on both sides were a tad late (even without either of the Mosses playing!) yet remained unpunished, which merely encouraged more of the same. Horror tackles on either side saw Simon Scott’s OG debut marred by a duck egg lump on his shin; Adey Moore chipping a bone on his foot (a bit faster and he might have got out of the way!); and Al Moorse revisiting old wounds. Even more horrific to watch was Lamby’s turn of pace as, on one occasion, he was just pipped to a through ball by a passing snail. There was also the frightening sight of our own WWE celebrity. Move over ‘The Rock’ and make way for Pip ‘The Boulder’ Evans, scorning the ‘Clothes Line’ for ‘The Kitchen Sink’, as everything went into demolishing one poor youngster. To add insult to all these injuries, Mark then awarded a penalty to the youngsters, breaking a tradition that has lasted well over a hundred years. Thankfully, the Old Gits had Lyndon ‘The Pussy’ White (sorry, ‘The Cat’, please edit!) in goal, a sight to strike terror into all players hearts, especially the Old Gits. As Pete Macklin (Bere Sunday side’s leading scorer last season) stepped up you could almost hear the tension, or it might just have been Lyndon’s failing ligaments creaking! Yet, miracles are standard fayre at Christmas and, through some ancient reflex, he stuck out one arthritic leg to save the Old Gits. Okay, so the youngsters scored soon after but let us remember him for the good times eh! The Old Gits were 1-0 down at half time and in need of some inspiration.


Thankfully, a mix of even more whisky and (in the great Fergie tradition!) a quick word with the referee at half time and all was set fair for the second half. Unfortunately, Shaun Cope had not read the script and after a quick Christmas pantomime between Miller and White at the back left an unguarded goal he could not resist looping a spectacular 25 yard volley into the net. It was at this eleventh hour that Mark Gale finally realised his proper role as referee and, having seen Rob White crumple at the slightest touch in the penalty box, awarded the Old Gits their first penalty. With the array of goal scoring talent at his mercy Rob White had no hesitation in pointing to the man who, whilst not scoring for three seasons for Bere Regis, just cannot miss for the Old Gits….Darren Spivey! This confidence galvanised him into slotting the penalty away with some panache, only to find out in the bar afterwards that Rob had only chosen him in the expectation that he would miss and never, ever live it down! With friend like these…..! Never mind, with their gander up and the referee right behind them the Old Gits were unstoppable. Another dodgy free kick out by the touchline gave Earl Dacre the chance to whip a hanging ball in and who was there on the end of it again, but Spivey. With the youngsters hugely demoralised now it was only a matter of time before the winner came for the Old Gits. In the last minute several Old Gits fell over in the penalty area and Mark could take his pick as to which was most deserving of the resulting penalty kick.  Given what had gone before there could be only one penalty taker….Macca!
 Boxing Day 2005
The calmest man in the place he lined up the ball, took  a measured run up, and toe punted the ball straight through the keeper and into the net. The whistle blew, the crowd went wild, a beerfest of Charles Kennedy proportions followed and, as nature’s anaesthetic calmly washed away the pain, the Old Gits wallowed in yet another famous victory. Better luck next year youngsters…….

(NB There were no actual scenes of partial nudity or sexual refences, but it did keep you reading till the very end!!)

Saturdays December 2005 - January 2006

Bere Regis 3: AFC Hurst 1Scorers: C Osmond, G Vincent, S Cope


Another good month for Bere as they start to find their feet amongst Dorset’s elite. A comfortable (in the end!) win over Hurst saw perhaps the end of an era, as Spivey was finally dropped from the team for the more youthful new players (Adrian Moore!!). He was quite understanding, though, and the increase in match fees that weekend was a mere coincidence! The decision by the manager to keep faith with a winning team was proved to be a right one as they kept up their winning ways from the Cup, despite being a goal down thanks to a rare mistake from Ginge (i.e. Spivey was not on the pitch to blame this time!). Ginge made up for his mistake in the second half with a fine diving header, Vinnie pinged a beauty in from the edge of the area to give Bere the lead and then Shaun came off the subs bench to deliver the coup de grace with an exquisite finish..

Bere Regis 2: AC Matravars 3

Scorers: W Cope, T Lumsden

The first match after the Christmas break was a nice easy run-around against the top of the league! Having said that, Bere were might unlucky to lose this one. Wayne Cope gave Bere the lead with a glorious curling effort from fully 30 yards that glided into the top corner. Spivey, returning from his short winter break, showed us what we have been missing with a clumsy challenge in the box that gave AC their first penalty and with their only shot of the half they equalised. The second half was, again, evenly matched and it was Bere who took the lead again with an instinctive finish from Tony Lumsden in the six yard box. As the seconds ticked away and the defence looked impregnable, Rob was anxiously checking his pennies following his rash promise of beers all round for a victory. Thankfully for him, with two minutes to go an AC forward charged into the box and collapsed more easily than Sven’s loyalty to England. The fevered penalty appeals were met and, with their second shot of the game, AC equalised. Worse was to follow as, with thirty seconds to go, a corner was swung into the box and, in the midst of a melee of flying limbs, the ball somehow trickled into the net to give AC the win and Bere’s manager nightmares.

Bere Regis 1: Lyme Regis 0 (CUP – Quarter Finals)

Scorer: S Cope

Bere vs Lyme Regis 2006

For Bere now, their one chance of silverware is in the Intermediate Cup. In their first season in this prestigious competition Bere find themselves as the last Division 2 team standing. Travelling to Bere Rec were Lyme Regis, one of the favourites and finalists for five out of the last six years. More of an underdog than a pygmy Chihuahua, Bere merely rolled their sleeves up and gave it 200%, with startling results. Staunch defending, ferocious tackling and the odd sprinkling of skill added up to a recipe for victory. The muddy pitch and ferocious tackling did not allow the normal feast of football, but at the end nobody from Bere cared as the players carved out a place in the semi finals. The winning goal was the only bright spot in the quagmire as an imperious pass from Vinnie gave Shaun Cope his only run at goal and he finished ruthlessly. There were some nervous moments in the dying seconds, but Messrs Moss, Spivey and Osmond kept Lyme at bay and Bere, yet again, are in the hat for Monday. Will they make the final? After this game, the jury are still out……

Sundays December 2005 - January 2006

Hamworthy Labour 3: Bere Regis 3

Scorers: T Bennett (2); K Cox

Bere Regis 4: Hamworthy Labour 2

Scorers: S Cope (3); M Mahoney

AC Electrical 0: Bere Regis 3

Scorers: S Cope (2); M Mahoney

Bere are on a roll! Unbeaten again this month, fifth in the league, scoring goals for fun and even a clean sheet to finish off. Young manager of the month, Adam Rogerson, was happy to keep his team’s feet on the ground, though, as his post match interviews were, in order, ‘Disappointing’; ‘Not enough goals’; and ‘Crap’. God help them if they lose!! This does not seem likely with Shaun Cope finding his shooting boots, Mickey Mahoney bossing the midfield and Dean Rogerson tackling like a peroxide tank! As the cream of Bere Regis continues to rise to the top, Adam’s biggest challenge will be to keep this young squad together as the sharks of Man Utd, Arsenal and Purbeck Panthers start to hover….

November and December 2005

Saturdays

Broadmayne 0: Bere Regis 0

Lytchett RT 5: Bere Regis 1 Scorer W Cope

Bere Regis 5: Verwood Town 3 aet (CUP) R White (2); C Osmond; A Moore; W Cope

Bere's league form this month was disappointing, to say the least. Both opposition teams were big, tough and ugly, whilst Bere have more 'pretty boys' than a house full of budgies. On the small pitches Bere were simply muscled out of their passing game and made to look pretty ordinary. Even Bungy ended up with cracked ribs, although still played through it (clearly either very brave or very daft, you decide!). Against Broadmayne, Shaun Cope missed a golden opportunity and Dean saved us right at the death. Against Lytchett, up against players who would struggle to spell Neanderthal and with nicknames like Rhino, I have seen jellyfish with more backbone than most of the Bere team. Thankfully there is always the Cup….

Short on players, Rob decided to go short on the keeper as well as he put Neal Percy in to allow Dean to shore up the defence. Given that Verwood had disposed of Lytchett RT in the last round even the vicar wouldn't give them a prayer, but football is a funny old game! For the few hardy souls who turned up to watch they saw an absolute classic. For the diehard fans, there was the usual rant at the referee after the first goal was clearly offside. For the football lovers, there was a classic forty yarder from Verwood to make it 2-0. For those who are interested in rarities, there was a goal from Ginge (rarer than a piece of Mourinho humility, or a game where he doesn't get injured). For those with a weak heart, there was the last minute goal from Rob White to send the game into extra time. For lovers of comedy, the sight of the referee picking up the ball and threatening to go home was a sheer delight (especially when he was asked to give us our ball back please!) And for those who like a happy ending, Rob White, Adrian Moore (nice lob, or so I've heard!) and Wayne Cope (a nicer lob than Adrian's) saw Bere home and dry and into the quarter finals.

A plum home draw against Lyme Regis, the darlings of the Western league, should see a capacity home crowd of at least ten again and swell the coffers to allow Rob to dabble in the transfer market. We may yet see another Vauxhall Chavalier in his driveway……

Sundays

Bere Regis 3: Purbeck AFC 6 Scorers: K Cox; T Bennett; P Macklin

Horse and Groom 1: Bere Regis 4 Scorers: N White (2); M Mahoney; T Bennett

Bere Regis 2: Sturminster Marshall 3 Scorers M Walker; S Cope

It is good watching this young side turn themselves into quite a formidable little unit. Against the runaway, 'we cant stop scoring', 'we're too good for this league', leaders Bere were good enough to give them a fright, and I don't just mean the sight of Coxxy first thing on a Sunday morning. Bere were ahead and good for their lead, but in the end class told and Purbeck were so far ahead they even managed to bring Whippet on for the last ten minutes. He was soon showing us he had lost none of the old touches with two misplaced passes and three miscontrols in the space of a couple of minutes. Legend! It is nice to hear the manager say he was unhappy with a 4-1 win in the next game, but then he is a Man Utd supporter. Suffice to say that the team is ever improving and almost pipped Stur Marshall to a point and fifth place in the league the following week. This team is certainly going places, infact Hamworthy next week.

PS If anyone is interested in knowing more about Nick White's goals and have a weekend to spare then feel free to ask him yourself, or log onto his website www.I'mthebest.com for further information.

Saturdays - October

Bere Regis 6: Cranborne 1 (CUP) Scorers: W Cope (2), R White (2), S Pettitt, o.g.

Despite the promotion, Bere continually find themselves against familiar opposition and these teams are about as familiar as they come. Bere's victory at Cranborne was sweeter than a sugar coated puppy given the spanking they got at this ground last season. 'Rafa' White never ceases to amaze us with his signings and he proved that he is prepared to go to the ends of the earth (or the Worlds End, as it is better known) to scout out his signings. If Thierry Henry ever works at the Oak then we have got it made! Having said that, Branners oozed class at the back allowing the rest of the team to play their own game and run rings around the opposition. Coxxy started the rout with a drop of the shoulder and an inch perfect pass for Wayne to slot in the corner. In the second half, Bere picked up the pace and Shaun Pettitt was, like the lonely farmer, outstanding in his field. His first goal was a scavenger's goal but his second was a thing of beauty as he struck a shot so pure it should have been sacrificed to the devil. Despite Cranborne pulling a consolation goal back, Shaun Cope came on and struck a free kick that was too much for a keeper sponsored by Teflon.

AC Matravars 3: Bere Regis 1 Scorer: W Cope

AC was disappointing, if only because Bere were 1-0 up and coasting in the first 20 minutes, thanks to a class finish from Wayne from an immaculate Lumsden through ball. Undone by a similarly class finish and a missed offside, Bere were unlucky to be losing at half time. Minutes into the second half, Shaun was one on one with the keeper yet missed and that was it all bar the shouting, mostly at the referee! More one-eyed than a Cyclops he turned a well matched contest into a comedy. As Bere pressed for an equaliser, there was the amusing sight of a five on one break, with Ginge being the hapless one. As both Ginge and the keeper were drawn to the ball it was centred to their forward and an open goal. How he spooned it over must still give him nightmares, but the £250 from 'You've Been Framed' should help console him. AC wrapped the game up with a scrambled goal from a corner more hotly disputed than the 'X factor' results.

Cranborne 1: Bere Regis 4 Scorers: S Pettitt (2), S Cope, W Cope

Cranborne must have been happy to join Bere in the second round with a bye and then unhappy to come to fortress Bere for a bye bye. Cranborne fielded a weaker side than at the beginning of the month but Bere were still in awesome form as they steamrollered their way to a 5-0 lead at half time. Wayne Cope was on top form as he poached two early goals and set up a tap in for the veteran Rob White to show that he had lost none of his goal hanging ability. It was unfortunate that Wayne suffered a twisted ankle or he would surely have plundered his hat trick. Rob White and Shaun Pettitt stepped in where Wayne had let off with a goal each and even Spivey chanced his luck. Rolling back the years he showed us his 'Cruyff' turn, swiftly followed by his 'Feeble' shot as the keeper laid down and waited for it to reach him. After this, the second half was a disappointment, even the sixth goal was an own goal! However, the sight of Bungy returning to the fray was enough to strike fear into the hearts of many, especially Ginge having to play alongside him in defence. They soon built up an understanding though, mainly with Bungy understanding that he should really play in midfield. Eventually, the referee finally blew his whistle and the players gleefully ran to the bar to watch England beat the Argies. Sometimes, life is good…..

Sundays - October

Bere Regis 2: Bryanston 1 Scorers: S Cope, T Bennett

Bere Regis 4: Windgreen 1 Scorers: P Macklin (2), S Cope, K Cox

Broadstone Cons 3: Bere Regis 1 Scorer: T Bennett

Windgreen 0: Bere Regis 8 Scorers: S Cope (5), P Macklin (2), M Walker

Now some of you long suffering readers may be pinching themselves at this moment. I am happy to report that this is not a dream or even a typo. Bere's Sunday side have won three out of their four games this month, Shaun Cope did score five goals in one game and Peter Crouch has played up front for England. Back to the good news though, Adam appears to have finally moulded his young charges into an effective unit. The most impressive result was the win against a strong Bryanston side that was thoroughly well deserved. A good old fashioned hammering of Windgreen in the Sunday sunshine is just what the doctor ordered, although just like any normal doctors we have been kept waiting a long time for it. However, my abiding memory is of Carl Dyke slicing the ball past his own keeper and then laughing his head off. It reminds me what Sunday football is all about and may be why this team will go from strength to strength.

Saturdays - October

Bere Regis 6: Cranborne 1 (CUP) Scorers: W Cope (2), R White (2), S Pettitt, o.g.

Despite the promotion, Bere continually find themselves against familiar opposition and these teams are about as familiar as they come. Bere's victory at Cranborne was sweeter than a sugar coated puppy given the spanking they got at this ground last season. 'Rafa' White never ceases to amaze us with his signings and he proved that he is prepared to go to the ends of the earth (or the Worlds End, as it is better known) to scout out his signings. If Thierry Henry ever works at the Oak then we have got it made! Having said that, Branners oozed class at the back allowing the rest of the team to play their own game and run rings around the opposition. Coxxy started the rout with a drop of the shoulder and an inch perfect pass for Wayne to slot in the corner. In the second half, Bere picked up the pace and Shaun Pettitt was, like the lonely farmer, outstanding in his field. His first goal was a scavenger's goal but his second was a thing of beauty as he struck a shot so pure it should have been sacrificed to the devil. Despite Cranborne pulling a consolation goal back, Shaun Cope came on and struck a free kick that was too much for a keeper sponsored by Teflon.

AC Matravars 3: Bere Regis 1 Scorer: W Cope

AC was disappointing, if only because Bere were 1-0 up and coasting in the first 20 minutes, thanks to a class finish from Wayne from an immaculate Lumsden through ball. Undone by a similarly class finish and a missed offside, Bere were unlucky to be losing at half time. Minutes into the second half, Shaun was one on one with the keeper yet missed and that was it all bar the shouting, mostly at the referee! More one-eyed than a Cyclops he turned a well matched contest into a comedy. As Bere pressed for an equaliser, there was the amusing sight of a five on one break, with Ginge being the hapless one. As both Ginge and the keeper were drawn to the ball it was centred to their forward and an open goal. How he spooned it over must still give him nightmares, but the £250 from 'You've Been Framed' should help console him. AC wrapped the game up with a scrambled goal from a corner more hotly disputed than the 'X factor' results.

Cranborne 1: Bere Regis 4 Scorers: S Pettitt (2), S Cope, W Cope

Cranborne must have been happy to join Bere in the second round with a bye and then unhappy to come to fortress Bere for a bye bye. Cranborne fielded a weaker side than at the beginning of the month but Bere were still in awesome form as they steamrollered their way to a 5-0 lead at half time. Wayne Cope was on top form as he poached two early goals and set up a tap in for the veteran Rob White to show that he had lost none of his goal hanging ability. It was unfortunate that Wayne suffered a twisted ankle or he would surely have plundered his hat trick. Rob White and Shaun Pettitt stepped in where Wayne had let off with a goal each and even Spivey chanced his luck. Rolling back the years he showed us his 'Cruyff' turn, swiftly followed by his 'Feeble' shot as the keeper laid down and waited for it to reach him. After this, the second half was a disappointment, even the sixth goal was an own goal! However, the sight of Bungy returning to the fray was enough to strike fear into the hearts of many, especially Ginge having to play alongside him in defence. They soon built up an understanding though, mainly with Bungy understanding that he should really play in midfield. Eventually, the referee finally blew his whistle and the players gleefully ran to the bar to watch England beat the Argies. Sometimes, life is good…..

Sundays - October

Bere Regis 2: Bryanston 1 Scorers: S Cope, T Bennett

Bere Regis 4: Windgreen 1 Scorers: P Macklin (2), S Cope, K Cox

Broadstone Cons 3: Bere Regis 1 Scorer: T Bennett

Windgreen 0: Bere Regis 8 Scorers: S Cope (5), P Macklin (2), M Walker

Now some of you long suffering readers may be pinching themselves at this moment. I am happy to report that this is not a dream or even a typo. Bere's Sunday side have won three out of their four games this month, Shaun Cope did score five goals in one game and Peter Crouch has played up front for England. Back to the good news though, Adam appears to have finally moulded his young charges into an effective unit. The most impressive result was the win against a strong Bryanston side that was thoroughly well deserved. A good old fashioned hammering of Windgreen in the Sunday sunshine is just what the doctor ordered, although just like any normal doctors we have been kept waiting a long time for it. However, my abiding memory is of Carl Dyke slicing the ball past his own keeper and then laughing his head off. It reminds me what Sunday football is all about and may be why this team will go from strength to strength.

Saturdays

Bere Regis 3: Wareham Rangers 2
Scorers: S Cope (2); T Lumsden

At least Bere now know that they can compete in Division 2 with one win and two draws in the month and a manager looking at missed chances rather than lucky escapes. The victory was achieved with the help of two finishes cooler than a cucumber in the Arctic from Shaun in the first half. Just when Wareham had clawed their way back in to the game thanks to a dodgy penalty decision, Lumsden broke their hearts with a finish smarter than an owl at a wedding.

Easton United 1: Bere Regis 1
Scorer: S Pettit

Against both Portland teams Bere could not have been more dominant if they had been wearing leather and cracking whips, yet both times they had to rely on late equalisers from Sean 'Pretty Boy' Pettit. Away to Portland 'Rafa' White was parading his new signing Chris Osmond, a defender in the Woodgate mould. This was soon demonstrated as his terrible mistake let Easton in for an easy goal (Darren Spivey was in no way implicated in this goal and has several witnesses, all close family, who can attest to this). Emulating his hero, Chris (Ginge to his mates, if he has any left after this!) was then sent off for a second bookable offence and demonstrated the petulance of Rooney as he blasted the ball off into the distance. This boy has everything! Thankfully, Sean Pettit showed a bit of Rooney class with a volley that had goal written on it from the moment it left his foot.

Bere Regis 1: Wyke Rovers 1
Scorer: S Pettit

The Wyke game showed Bere's strength in depth…non existent! Despite a glut of players signed on, 'Rafa' was still seen on the day of the game at junior football training searching for parents who may want a game. Thankfully, Adrian Moorinho and Andy Curtis were persuaded to sign on and Jason Muscato was persuaded not to. Bere certainly looked like a scratch team in the first half and couldn't even pass muster let alone the ball, despite a beautiful new kit courtesy of 'Hot Shots' paintball (available for all good parties and events). Only 1-0 down at half time they threw caution to the wind in the second half and for 44 minutes did everything but score against a keeper who was simply inspired. I won't dwell on the open goal that Adrian Moore missed, I personally feel he did well to get to it. I will, however, dwell on that man Sean Pettit again as, in a penalty area with more limbs than a game of octopus Twister, he calmly found space and rifled home.

The signs are there for Rafa, but can he read them…….

Sundays

Bere Regis 0: Wallisdown Sports 9

Morden 1: Bere Regis 6
Scorers: N Percy, S Pettit, M Mahoney, S Cope, T Bennett (2)

The one bright spot in an otherwise very dark month was the hammering of a very ordinary Morden. The return of Johnny Cleall to Sunday football seemed to galvanise the team and he certainly made a difference, giving away the penalty that led to Morden's opening goal and giving them a 1-0 lead. Thankfully, the rest of the team were in sparkling form, Texas Tom especially as he demonstrated why he is the best shot in the West.

Bere Regis 1: Dumpton Academicals 4 Scorer: T Bennett

Bere Regis 0: Ship Inn 7 (Cup)

However, the other games in the month demonstrated that once this team lose a couple of goals and heads go down then Margaret Thatcher has more chance of making a comeback than they do. Out of the cup in a game that saw the Big Gay Bear have a mare of Red Rum proportions and seriously lagging in the league the team now seem to be already playing for survival.

I can see that the manager will have to be more Moyes than Mourinho this year…..

Saturdays

Bere Regis 0: Purbeck Panthers 4

A new league, a new manager and Bere had a rude awakening! As Sven Goran White surveyed the wreckage of the second half his mind probably drifted back to the better days of pre-season.

The pre-season tour to Weston proved lucrative, for the bars at Weston at least! After a late evening/early morning warm-up on the Friday night scaling walls and running from burly bouncers in their attempts to view the 1500 netball players at Pontins, the team was match fit for the next day. An impromptu kick about on the seafront against the locals gave Sven his first chance to tinker with his team. A 12-10 win gave him his much sought after first victory, but changes needed to be made. Wayne's four goals assured his place, but a defence leakier than a rusty colander needed some urgent surgery. Paddles was dropped in goal as his back finally seized up; Gary Lewis looks more like a cup player, must be the ears; Stomper's reputation as a speed merchant was found out to be only in dating; and Pricey once again came up short when it mattered. Sven was heard to mutter 'I think the diamond worked well, but then my Dad has always been a hard worker'.

For the friendlies, Sven was off talent spotting in Spain and the job was left to Tord Spiv. A relatively easy 4-1 win against Milborne was followed by a disastrous loss to the YMCA as the team kept the construction worker well marked, but allowed the Indian and the cop to run riot. It certainly did not help that the manager was forced to drive around the village looking for players before the match; even Henry the Eighth had more commitment than some of these players!! The next friendly and the first match had to be cancelled due to a distinct lack of interest, but Sven was soon back working his magic and a team was duly presented for this match against one of the favourites for the title.

Some old faces had returned, like Robbie Blake after starring in a heated contest against the fire brigade, and Chris Oram whose heart has always been Bere, as has his stomach. Gareth Vincent was a veritable coup for the manager as he was plucked from beneath the noses of a combination side. Even Bungy was making an appearance, since he had heard the manager was looking for new faces and he was wondering whether he could have one too.

Despite not having played together before, the first half was a remarkably good performance and Bere were unlucky to be 1-0 down at the interval. After weathering a storm in the first twenty minutes thanks largely to the windbreak that is Spivey, Bere eventually found their passing range and could easily have been three to the good. Vinny and Oram started to find their passing range and Neal 'Roadrunner' Percy's blistering pace was far too much for the full back. Shaun, Wayne and Vinny have certainly had better finishing days than this!

The second half was about as pretty to watch as Quasimodo's love child. Were it not for Dean Rogerson in goal, Purbeck would have won by a cricket score as their superior fitness came to the fore. The final whistle was a blessing!!

Sven has much to think about for the season ahead……..

Sundays

Sturminster Marshall 5: Bere Regis 1

Full marks to the manager in getting a team together from a squad more apathetic than a teenage sloth. A heavy defeat, but a goal from Texas Tom and a few chances may yet mean that all is not lost…except for this game.

 

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