Sunday Player Profiles 1999-2000>
|Nick Macklin||Rob White|
|Terry Vater||Andy Curtis|
|Mark Gale||Wayne Cope|
|Johnny Cleall||Dean Rogerson|
|Darren Spivey||Steve Ives|
|Chris Oram||Steve McEleney|
|Kevin Cox||Kevin Curtis|
|Earle Dacre||Adam Rogerson|
|Darren Brown||Khalil Ghabaee|
POSITION: Manager (Head in Hands)
NICKNAMES: Nick; Ole Scuffer; Freddy Boswell
Another successful season for Beres Manager of the Decade. With a football brain that never stops ticking, like an unexploded bomb, Nick has slotted a few more pieces into his jigsaw this year and seen some surprising results. Runners-up this year, Nick will need to dabble in the market (Dorchester market) if Bere are going to go one better in La Primera Liga next season.
POSITION: Goalkeeper (Propping up the bar)
The original Alcopop, Paddles has slotted into the team as if he had always been there. Cool as a cucumber, and just as thin, he has been a revelation in goal, the relevation being how a man can play so well with so much alcohol in his bloodstream. Despite working harder than Santa Claus at Christmas, Paddles has been a consistent performer both between the sticks and at the bar. A seasoned, or should I say pickled, professional.
POSITION: Defender (Prone and clutching ankle)
NICKNAMES: Galer; Iceman; Becks
Mark continued where he left off last season as a model of consistency and dead ball specialist (though the live ones do cause him a bit of trouble). He has marshalled the back line into some kind of order, despite the loss of last years player of the year and a horrific deodorant injury. Never backward in giving his opinion, Marks voice can be heard resounding across the Rec on a Sunday morning, frightening team members and young children alike. A whole-hearted player and the skipper in both word and deed.
POSITION: Defender (Early Bath)
Johnny has been a more than useful addition to the squad this year and played a huge part in pushing Bere onwards and upwards. A natural left footer (Keegan, take note) Johnny has added some much needed poise and elegance to the traditional up and under Bere defence. If Johnny has a weakness it is his temperament, not forgetting his preference of staying in bed. More fiery than John Hartson in a traffic jam he has collected more cards this season than your average 8 year old Pokemon fan. However, like a vintage wine, as he matures he will get better and better.
NICKNAMES: Spiv; Spider; Slaphead
Probably Beres best Frank Leboeuf lookalike, he has had an impressive season. Always tight at the rear, especially with Macca on the prowl, he remains as consistent as ever. Losing is not a word in his vocabulary, unless he is referring to losing yards of pace, or losing Rob Whites car keys. Quoted as saying that he is buying a house near the pitch so the club can build a new stand, it is more likely so that the club can get back all the balls he puts over the fence there. He could easily leave under a Bosman free this summer but more likely that a TV career beckons, not as a presenter but advertising the new Rowenta steam iron.
POSITION: Midfield (Pride, comes before a fall, Park)
NICKNAMES: Chrissy; Chopster; Hristo
Another switch in position this year has given Chris the chance to shine. Playing just in front of the back three, he has used his obvious talents to great effect, creating a yard out of nothing and never wasting a pass . With an old head on young shoulders, Chris can read the game better than Bungy can read the Sunday Sport. He has certainly shown this season why Nick made that huge outlay on him pre-season, buying him a free pint after training, and has a footballing brain second to none, which is why it is such a surprise that he supports Derby. An exceptional player who has had an exceptional season.
POSITION: Midfield (In the Caravan Club)
NICKNAMES: Cocky; Graham Rix
Kev has made the right side of midfield his own now and uses the role of wing back to its full potential, although he can be a bit more wing than back at times. There are times when he and Chris combine so well it is like they are on a different plane, but not one of Coulthards, tearing gaping wounds in the opposition defence. He has also scored some spectacular goals this season, marrying timing, power and sheer blind luck in a manner reminiscent of Mr Beckham. The young sapling is starting to bear fruit!
POSITION: Midfield (Eating all the pies)
NICKNAMES: Doctor ; Brummie
Another left-pegger, his switch to the left hand side this season was an obvious career progression. What has surprised even more, especially Earle himself, is the stamina he has shown in getting up and down the pitch like a youthful colt (I said colt!) once more. Combine Keane, Hoddle and Charlton and you get a very fat player with aggression, vision and a kick like a mule. Need I say more!
POSITION: Midfield (Ploughing a furrow)
NICKNAMES: Bungy, Farmer
Bungy is always a colossus in midfield. Frightening is the word normally used to describe his style, or hard, or vicious. However, this season the word skilful has not seemed out of place. A flick here, a drag back there, a back heel here, it is as disconcerting as seeing Frankenstein in a dress, or Pete Larder with clean hands. Despite a couple of weeks out with a broken leg (injuries are for wimps), Bungy is always there when it matters, flying in as if his life depends upon it, and thats just at the bar. Age shall never wither him, what will marriage do!
POSITION: Midfield (Not up front!)
NICKNAMES: Whiter, Billy, Ginola
Rob White, as always, has been the icing on the cake, the cherry on the ice cream, or the umbrella in the cocktail. West Ham have Di Canio, Spurs have Ginola and all Bere can muster is Rob White. Yet when this rough diamond shines he has more carats than a very rich bunny. A record of 15 goals from midfield speaks for itself, and who can forget his uncanny knack of unlocking any defence, although he finds it much more difficult to unlock his own car. A bit down in the mouth after being dogged by injury this year, Rob has still kept the crowds entertained and milked any applause thats going. A bit of Brazil in your own back garden!
NICKNAMES: Curt, Andy
Andy will never give less than 150%, and many defenders have the bruises to prove it. He has found goals a bit harder to come by this season compared with last, but being a forward is not all about scoring goals, just look at Andy Cole. When Andy does get his scoring boots on there is no stopping him, as a 5 goal mauling of Poole Labours defence shows. We are all very Smillie about our own Handy Andy, just ask Lawrence Llewellyn Brown.
POSITION: Forward (or Missionary, if you prefer)
NICKNAMES: Copey, McManaman
Wayne has been delightful to watch this season. With skill, pace and an eye for goal the only thing that Wayne lacks is a decent haircut. Top goalscorer this season with the goals coming from all angles. Left foot, right foot, header, volley, even one off his backside, such is the skill level of this boy. Surely one further contender for player of the year.
POSITION: Defender (Plastered again)
NICKNAMES: Dino, Greg
An unfortunate pre-season injury (obviously not used to actually saving the ball) has meant that Dean has had to sit out most of the season with a broken wrist. But a mid-season injury to Spivey allowed Dean to show off his defensive capabilities, and he did not disappoint. Tough tackling, hard hitting with a little touch of Hansen as he brings it out of defence (the pop group, that is). Despite missing the final few games for another hospital visit, the manager will certainly keep an injury-free Dino in mind for next season.
NAME: Steve Ives
POSITION: Wherever you want him really
NICKNAMES: Iver, Eggman
Despite having to travel further than Bergkamp this season, Steve has never missed the opportunity to stretch his legs. And when Paddles was off making more money than Bill Gates over Christmas, who stepped in between the sticks . Mr Ives. Despite bones that creak like a rusty hinge and a back less reliable than one of Frenchys cars, Steve has played through the pain barrier to keep Bere close to the title chase. Sometimes eggsquisite, sometimes eggsasperating, always eggsciting, Steve is the man you want next to you in the trenches. Especially, if youre feeling peckish!!
POSITION: Holding the flag(pole)
NICKNAMES: Macca, Forrest, Horse frightener
A man of many parts, most of them big, Macca is the ultimate utility player, and not just because he is always in the toilet. Having finally reached the milestone of 40 he plays like a player half his age, unfortunately that player is Forrest Gump. Nevertheless, the sight of Macca in full flow is one of the most majestic sights in football and one that will certainly be missed if he decides to follow Gazza to the land of Oz and play with his prized didgeridoo.
POSITION: Substitute, but prefers watching (dont we all)
The problem with being a loyal supporter is that, eventually, you will be asked to put your boots on in an emergency and play. The problem is that there have been quite a few emergencies this year, but Sweet certainly did not disappoint. A round peg in a round hole he has a touch of Zola about him, not only because of his deft touch and move play but also because he is finding it difficult to score this year. The best is yet to come from this youngster!
NICKNAMES: Gloves, Ads
When Nick told Adam he was on probation this year, Adam took him a bit too seriously. Following in the footsteps of Cantona Adam decided to do a bit more for his local community this year, at the expense of his football. When he did play, though, we saw glimpses of the raw talent and potential that Adam has in spades. A natural goalscorer Adam always has one eye on goal, as well as the other one. Perhaps a little less time at Her Majestys Pleasure next season and a little more time at Nick Macklins Pleasure and we will see the best of Adam.
POSITION: Mecca (mistakes allah time)
NICKNAMES: Cal, Hadji, Challinore
An inspired signing, snatched from under Pimpernes noses, Cal has many hidden talents and they have stayed pretty well hidden all season. It was fantastic entertainment, though, as Cal sliced and miscued his way through the game. The concept of a throw in also seems to have passed him by, giving us more of a drop down and bow. Yet you can only stand back and admire his energy and tenacity as he hassles the opposition to death. There will always be a place in Bere FC for Cal, and that place is holding the bucket and sponge!
NICKNAMES: Ian, Party Animal
Ian has been bloated, I mean blighted, by injury this year. Just when things were coming together for him up front a horrific knee injury has kept him out for most of the season. Nevertheless, a knee injury should not finish off his career, just look at Gazza and how it hardly affected his. Ah well, he still seems fit enough to dance most off the team off the floor at any party, or was it the shirt and hair colour that did it??